Impeccability.

What's new?

2012-01-29T13:32:00.000+08:00

I was in the middle of doing an Econs essay when I felt like going for a jog. And so I did.

Baby's house > Al-Mawaddah > Sengkang > Buangkok station > PunggolCC

And thereafter, baby high-fived me. Hahaha!

Reminder: Do not underestimate me. I've strong legs. ^^

I had so much fun, pushing myself to run. Boyfriend is (or was) a tracker. Feel so intimidated. What is Ahmad Al' Muzakkir not good at? He can practically do everything. Well, except for pronouncing R. HAHA.

So today will be a rather short day I guess.

I've tons of reading to do. Many essay outlines. This week will be crazy. Shall meet baby tomorrow. He's having his first driving lesson! How exciting :D That's all for now. Have a merry week ahead... xxx

I think my boyfriend and I are getting old.

He said I'm a backstabber and I'm annoying. He also said I talk too much. I asked him to shut up yesterday. And I said he always talk rubbish that doesn't make sense at all. I asked him to leave and find somebody else. I guess we're pretty harsh nowadays but....

I really think we're getting old. And frail. Because at the end of the day, we're going to laugh at how silly we were arguing over stupid and silly things. There's no time to waste. Every single day, you have got to treasure the ones you love. You spend half of the day or maybe the whole day arguing. And that won't make your day a good one obviously, thus, one day is wasted. You can probably do something worthwhile with that someone you love.

So baby, shut up and say I love you. Because I love you too. ^o^

Fill My Little World

2012-01-28T18:00:00.000+08:00

Good evening people :>

I've been away for quite some time, so much so that recent posts don't correspond to the timeline. Haha, nonetheless, those were basically the important events that occurred to me lately. Not that the others unmentioned don't matter to me, just that things have been pretty chaotic. Especially when it comes to Wednesdays. I officially hate Wednesdays. My school timetable is really ridiculous. I couldn't find the perfect word to describe how annoyed I am about reaching home close to 10pm and having to continue with school work til late plus there's Thursday that I've to face, which the day will eventually end at 4pm. I think I've complained about this... just feel the need to emphasise, hahaha.

The J1s are joining the school next week and it's not something I'm looking forward to, haha sorry guys. The school won't be empty and conducive. You see, I like quiet environment. Chaotic surroundings just annoy me. Hence, I'm not the type who clubs. #Nerd #Justsaying There's a lot to do for them and with them such as the CCA bazaar and Manifestasi. There's CA exams coming in 2 weeks time. I've six exams this year, if I'm not wrong. SIX. Not cool. I shall do my assignments and catch up a little because on certain days my brain just shut itself in the morning and lectures were useless.... because of my sleepiness.

And seriously, the school has got to do something about my timetable that has a plethora of breaks. No joke. I could end school early if it's not for the breaks.

Once again, those photographs above are not of yesterday's. They were taken when my boyfriend and I decided to experience one of Sentosa's package (which was called fun-filled package by the way) to make our 24th special. It was a CNY holiday so instead of staying at home and do something productive, I chose to have fun. I didn't regret though ^^ The trip was amazing. My first ride of the cable car was exhilarating. I'm afraid of heights (what's new?) but I must admit that the scenery's so beautiful both in the evening and at night. City lights are stupendous. Never will I ever get bored of enjoying nice sceneries. Ahmad has never tried the skyride, luge, cable car ride as well as the Sentosa 4D Magix. So those were the activities that we did there. Overall, it was a pleasant day. Touching, mesmerizing. Too beautiful to be described by just words. Too emotional to be expressed through tears. We explored Mount Faber at night. Walked around in The Jewel Box, such an exquisite place. We were drop dead tired by the time we trained home. I loved that day. And the days after that were as splendid.

So it's Saturday again. I feel the need to fully utilise my weekends as there's simply no time at all for me to take a break during weekdays. I was thinking of having a jog later at night. I shall do so, provided that I'm not going to be lazy later. Teehee, have a good remaining weekend~
--

Here's something to make you picture how it was like for the both of us at Sentosa!

Good ol'

2012-01-27T00:31:00.001+08:00

Pleasant. :')

Counting on the days

2012-01-24T23:48:00.001+08:00

I do not have a strong heart to do a detailed post today despite the fact that today's been awesome. I can't seem to structure my sentences right. Everything seems to be jumbled. Everything seems to be unclear, foggy.

I'm happy but I'm in a mess. Tomorrow's just going to be a drag. I'm going to screw tomorrow because I just can't pick myself up. The thought of leaving this town breaks my heart. My home, my hang-out place, my surroundings, my boyfriend... This is where I grew up and this is where I want to be. I just can't. :(

That tune has been in my head since we were queueing...

I love you.
Happy 24th <3

I belong here

2012-01-22T23:14:00.004+08:00

What about those times...? :(

Impeccable.

2012-01-22T22:47:00.000+08:00

Evening everyone xxx

It's CNY's eve so I'm pretty occupied with school work right now. Damn those teachers who do not show us any mercy when it comes to distributing assignments. Haha, nonetheless, I've got it under control. I guess. Weekend's over but hey, weekend's been doubled this week! Who's not aware of that right? Well okay that's beside the point... I spent my Sunday with Ahmad, again. It's been pretty often lately, doesn't it? I'm enjoying myself being with him and around him so it actually doesn't matter. We met in the afternoon and I'd to be home early today so I still do feel the need to be with him for a longer period of time. Tuesday, perhaps? The time we had just now was awesome. To play safe, I won't spill the beans over here. Just saying that he bought something for his loved one and I've volunteered to make a card that would make the gift a little bit more special. You see, the feeling you get from giving is always more pleasant than the feeling you get when you received something from someone. In other words, I just love preparing gifts for people I love. She's like my own sister now. And Ahmad's like my own brother. He's really taking good care of me.

Apart from the "object hunt", we ate and walked around in town, feeling like we own the places as it was pretty empty in the afternoon. Shops were closing early and we had nowhere to go. We rushed to Vivo because I had this thing for GoGo Franks :/ It has been quite some time.

Oh and yeah, I've never changed... Hahaha.

Accompanied my boyfriend to check out the Sentosa package as well. He has been urging me to ride the cable-car with him so I think it'd be a great experience. :D There's this fun-filled package that he's interested in. Thinking that we might head down to Sentosa this coming Tuesday.

When I came home, things seemed to change a little bit. Saw my family browsing through web pages on houses on sale. My family's planning to shift to Tampines. And I shall stop just right here because I'm out of words. Bye.

Little Bit of Everything

2012-01-19T23:12:00.000+08:00

Awwwww baby's so cute!

HAHAHAHAHA.

Awwww :'(

My boyfriend asked me out for a swim quite recently (like about a week ago) so it was a thrill to spend some time at the beach, having a little picnic and immerse ourselves in the waters. Had a meal before heading to Sentosa, whereby this silly boy accidentally rubbed his left eye when he knew he had touched chilli a few seconds before. Hahaha! And then he cried. Ok maybe not cry as in cry cry but he sobbed. And whimper. I was having a hard time trying not to laugh but I guess I managed a giggle or two. :/ The swim was absolutely calming, felt so relaxed and it was just brilliant. Ahmad and I both purchased water guns so we did made full use of those. It's tough when the water's salty. It tastes like ______. HMM... In any case, we were there til dusk. Sunset was beautiful. There was some sparks of fireworks when we were moving off from the beach. We both went bonkers (for I don't know what reason), well it just happened, we ran from the beach to the bridge and to Palawan towers. Caught such an amazing scenery of the ships and lightings. Just plain, beautiful.

What's more enjoyable than to be with Ahmad and also to appreciate the nature? Nothing, because I have everything I need and I am enjoying the little things in life. You see, the next few days after this day, were terrible. Especially the last Tuesday and Wednesday. I woke up at 5:30am and reached home at only 9:30pm. The feeling of being stuck in Tampines alone, at 8:40pm is unexplanatory. Mixed emotions of sadness, anger, being exhausted, painful - everything just pulled me down. But I managed to pull through.

Tomorrow's Friday. It's time to meet baby again! It has always been great to look forward to Friday after a long, draggy, tiring week of school. I feel so... fulfilled. Enough said for now. I'm quite heartbroken that Brownie's teeth were extracted. I hope my poor bunny will stay strong, I love Brownie so much. xxx

And for goodness sake, JC2 is indeed a tough year. Schedule's tighter than any virgin's pussy hole, tutors are getting on my nerves, look. I'm drenched. I'm dying, even though it's only the 2nd week of school. Kill me, please. May next week be a better week, insyaAllah.

And for those who bother to watch. This is a clip of Ahmad and I, on an interesting day when I gave him a self-made gift. ;)

Practise what you preach

2012-01-16T23:30:00.000+08:00

I had a bittersweet Sunday, I shall say. It was quite an impromptu plan for me to head down to Sentosa for a swim. I don't know, it's like a perfect activity to do considering the fact that I felt pretty messed up due to the first week of school. Still not used to the new timetable. Sigh. Nonetheless, weekend was great. Saturday was "stay-home-day" whereas the next, baby brought me out. I guess it's healthy to have a day-off per week. Hmm. Okay so the trip, to and fro, was exhausting. We got our stuff, both necessary and otherwise, for the little picnic. We swam for quite awhile in the afternoon and dragged into the evening. I'm pretty tanned now. Baby said he's "Chao da" but who's to deny that he still looks like a Chinese. Ehehe. Anyway, we saw some sparks of fireworks from the beach at night. On the way back, we managed to climb up the Palawan towers (I'm not so sure what they call it).

The trip home was the most memorable to me. Somehow I felt so reluctant to go home. I want to stay outside for awhile more. I don't want the day to end. Because I want to be with him longer. It's always sad to say goodbye at the end of the day. I have no idea when's the next time I'm going to see him again, you know? We're not always free. Even if we roughly know when's the next meet-up, it's probably going to be the next weekend or so... But they say, it's better than nothing right? :)

When I reached home: Freaking miserable I felt like knocking my heavy head against the wall.

Monday: MC.

And so, as you can see, maybe it's not exactly a good idea to swim for so long. Or stay out in the hot sun for too long. Baby accompanied me to the clinic. Spent some time together. I ate a lot, LIKE A LOT. I've already gained 4kg. LOL. Baby said maybe now it has increased to 6kg. But I'm happy so weight is just a number! Feeling much better now, heading to school as per normal tomorrow. So, long day ahead. What's new? Can't wait for Friday. Everyday is a drag nowadays.

Enlighten me please.

Ahmad Al' Muzakkir

2012-01-14T16:58:00.002+08:00

HAHAHAHAHA.

HAHAHHAHA look at baby's face haiyayai so cute :P

These were the photos that I was supposed to upload a week ago but they were with my boyfriend so here they are.

We went on an exclusive date last Sunday. Even he said so when were eating our pancakes at Strictly Pancakes. It was pretty formal for a moment and as much as I love formality, being formal with Ahmad Al' Muzakkir is really awkward as time goes by. Having to eat chicken drumlets in a restaurant is a major bad idea. Especially when there's me around. /: But the pancakes were super delicious. Thanks sayang for bringing me there. ;)

I did mentioned about this guy who surprised me with a gift on that day as well. Aha, it was this lovely Jansport bag-pack he bought for me (secretly) Hmm! It's not just a Jansport bag, but a zebra-print Jansport bag. Haha! I was speechless for quite some time as having someone getting me a valuable gift like that really means a lot to me. He's generous beyond words :') I was going to get myself a new school bag as the previous one was already in a bad condition. However, this guy was waaaaay faster than me. Thank you so so so much for the bag, I'm making full use of it hahaha. It's like I'm bringing a part of you wherever I go. I'm super grateful for the bag and needless to say, you really know about my urgent needs. It's pretty scary/freaky at times. Haha! Nonetheless, THANK YOU XOXO

And since your little sister helped you with the idea of wrapping the bag, I've to thank her as well. So thanks Yasmin for the thought of surprising me effectively hehehe. And thanks to your elder sister who bought for me a kitty purse from Vietnam. I feel touched that she remembered me when she's there. :')

Weekend's here and my exact plans are to rest, do school work and spend time with my boyfriend. Sounds fairly predictable. Til then everyone. Have a great weekend :>

Nadzirah's 18th birthday

2012-01-13T20:38:00.000+08:00

They name it “Friday the 13^th” with a belief thatthere’s going to be “bad luck” for some people. Well, I don’t know how truethat is but for all I know, I had agreat Friday. The week has been horrible. Considering the fact that it was onlythe first week of school, that explains how terrified I am about going toschool next week. I’m glad that I ended the week right. It’s like giving mesome form of hope/faith that bad thingsdo come to an end.

Today’s our beloved Nadzirah’s birthday. She turns 18 and itwas a pretty cute celebration I must say. Since it was a schooling day, we madeplans for her and executed it rightafter my Malay Literature lesson. It’s always fun to celebrate people’sbirthdays. You feel great when you make them feel surprised, touched and elated simultaneously. We all love Nadzirah. I’m pretty confidentabout that. She’s a great friend and I feel grateful to have her around. Maythis year be a fruitful year for her, as well as for the rest of us, amin. Xxx

Thereafter, Ahmad Al’Muzakkir picked me up from school as we both planned to spend some timetogether. We headed to town for awhile as he wanted to get a top for himself. Whenhe changed his mind about it, we ended up going to AMK hoping to catch a randommovie. Unfortunately, we weren’t lucky this time. The movies were all so…boring and neh we don’t want to regret wasting our time. So the both of uswalked around and I found the perfect spot and time to give baby his gift that I prepared earlier on. He was sothrilled that he squealed. Haha caught his reaction on a vid. I’ve saideverything that I’d like to say to him personally.

I just want you to know my dear, that I always appreciateeverything you do for me. Be it little things or huge sacrifices. I love youand I don’t have any intention of being without you. <3

24/7

2012-01-12T21:58:00.000+08:00

We've been too strong for too long.

2012-01-11T19:00:00.000+08:00

"We didn't build nothing overnight
Cause a love like this takes some time"

Cheap Trick

2012-01-10T21:16:00.003+08:00

Dayana created this. It has been indeed very useful. By having this in my phone, it is also undeniably efficient. 2 days gone now and it's fcking disaster after fcking disaster.

There's TPJC Open House tomorrow from 12nn to 4pm.

And so I heard it's called TPJC-uthere. Or something like that. It's open to the public so if anyone's interested, I shall see you around. The school isn't that big so a newbie will be easily spotted. Coming to a JC will not be a regret ONLY if you're willing to study harder than you did in secondary school. It was a great 'jump' for me, from O Levels to A Levels. There's going to be a huge gap between you and the people around you. There's going to be those who were from well-known schools. I mean, my very own classmates are from Chung Cheng High, CHIJs, Hai Sing Catholic, St Joseph Institution etc. The most embarrassing moment shall be the time when nobody heard of your school before. Haha. But hey, it can be a good thing as well...

I shall not publicise my school because at the end of the day, the student himself is aware of his own capabilities.

Do come down to TPJC tomorrow. If it's not for the school, come and visit me. *Hint to Ahmad*

Have I told you guys that my cheeky boyfriend, Mr Ahmad Al' Muzakkir surprised me again with a gift that made me speechless?! Well, that's coming right up. I don't have the photos with me taken from the previous date. Oh yeah it was a date. Like a date, date. Suu-weet-uh. Splendid Sunday, the 8th of Jan. I love you dear, shall see you tomorrow. Save me from all of the misery.

And just to sidetrack a little, Nad brought nasi lemak for lunch and shared with me. Thank you for the delicious food, your mum's a great cook. :) I feel so old-school. Well, they say, enjoy the little things in life.

Pause

2012-01-07T19:22:00.003+08:00

You know that girl, who never gets bored of studying and is known for being consistent in her studies? Well, that sure ain't me. Til now, I still don't have the confidence in attempting to do those fearful topical tests that's coming right up. How far along am I? Not quite there yet. Still being a non-productive member of the society, study-hoppin' from History to Math to Economics. Oh wait, I have not start on Economics. Ha ha ha I'm screwed. I shall stop rambling and continue with my revision soon. But seriously though, I know I am not ready for JC2. Now, who am I trying to kid?

Since tomorrow is the very last day of my year-end break, I have to spend my time wisely. And by wisely, I mean go out with my boyfriend and have some fun. Hahaha. Baby has got a plan so I'm up for it. (This is how I get ready for my tests aha) Still haven't search for a decent school bag, get new stationery, a planner and contacts for daily school use. Can I not go back to school?

And by the way, some people are just oblivious to the fact that I DO have problems. I don't need your sympathy but by being aware of it helps a lot. :)

Ahmad Al' Muzakkir :')

A Walk to Remember

2012-01-05T20:50:00.000+08:00

Today must have been the simplest yet sweetest day in a while. Not that the other days weren't sweet nor simple but let me put it this way: today was one of a kind. My body clock somehow deviated from the norm. Woke up pretty early, waited for my boyfriend to be awake and he was at my place by 9:30am. He brought a loaf of bread and a tub of Neapolitan ice cream. Yummy. (Y) I was and still am thankful that he brought food over because that's how I've been eating at least a meal in a day. Hmm. Anyway, we decided to watch D'movie, A Walk to Remember, together. It was super heartbreaking, it left me vulnerable for quite awhile. It has side effects on me too. That's how good the movie is.

Thereafter, baby and I talked. That's when everything seems to be much clearer to me now. I know, after a year plus being together, there were times when I felt insecured. I used to doubt him a lot, probably because of his past, maybe it was just basically him in person. Besides that, I think excessively too. Nonetheless, I saw a sudden change when we talked just now. I know he's someone different and I'm proud of him because he managed to change in a short period of time. I've no idea why I broke down just now, when we were merely recalling things we did together, the times we've spent together throughout the past December, the past year. I felt touched. I feel upset that the best December I could have ever imagined to experience, had just passed me by. That emotion I felt just now caught me off guard. I didn't want to tear in front of him. Neither do I want to show how sentimental/vulnerable I am. It just happened. I thought it was alright to express how I feel in front of him but....... it affected him as well. Well, I just want to say that those criticisms, labels, negative thoughts about you in the past, they do not stay with you until now. Because I know how much have you grown out of how you were last time. Don't be disheartened. You'll always be the best guy I will ever know/be with. If you ask me why, well...

You're the only one who gives me not only what I want, but what I need. While the other guys chose to leave, you've chose to stay. Your persistence, that's what drove me to you. I love you. Thank you for letting me experience what I experienced today. It was priceless. I don't mean to be cheesy nor do I want to exaggerate. This is really honest, from the bottom of my heart. Xoxo

In places no one will find
All your feelings so deep inside
It was there that I realized
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry

-Cry, Mandy Moore

Dare you to move

2012-01-04T02:06:00.000+08:00

Am currently in bed, just finished studying Math for the upcoming topical test that I've mentioned before. What's next? Well, probably International History. Though I have a feeling tht I won't be able to hang on any longer for Southeast Asia History. This is definitely not what I'm looking forward to in a new year. This is also why I don't like the idea of welcoming a new year because things hve never changed and will never do. Another major exam coming up on November. So what's new? My life is full of tests and examinations.

Baby has been there for me these days. I really am grateful for having him around. Things haven't been very pretty lately. I don't know what else to say...

Maybe it's me, maybe not. I just can't be bothered anymore. I tried to make things work, for everything, all the time, but I get nothing in return. Not that I want anything in return for my own benefits, I just want things to be done proper for the benefits of everybody. Either people won't understand or I don't speak up enough.

Extend holidays please...

Tuesday morning.

2012-01-03T01:51:00.000+08:00

Back to basics

2012-01-02T15:26:00.003+08:00

Maybe the recent New Year's Eve didn't turn out as well as the previous year's. I still can recall how awkward yet special the moment was, when people started screaming and laughing when the fireworks were on display. The man I'm dating now, was standing beside me, holding my hand and kissed me with a small whisper of "Happy new year."

What was different this year: I was at home on the eve, watching sitcoms on lappy while chatting with boyfriend, oh and yeah I had the whole house to myself. Exactly at 12am, my phone rang and it was, again, the man I'm dating. He squealed and wished me Happy New Year and he got excited because he could see fireworks from his house. Heard his mum at the background... that made me laugh. How sweet can he be? On top of the things he did for me... he did sacrifices for me because he was concerned about how I'd feel. I'm touched :') You know I know.

It was an impromptu plan for both my boyfriend and I on New Year's day. Bedok > EC Beach. Having eye contact with baby is the best. Being up-close and personal with him couldn't get any more comforting than how it was. We had a long talk. I let out everything I'd yet to say for the past year. I do feel good after yesterday. So much better. We managed to dispose those items, that particular moment was very memorable to me. The moment he got hold of the items and held it in his hands... It took him quite awhile before he could throw it into the sea. I caught a glimpse of his face. I don't quite know how to tell what's on his mind though. There's just a word written on our faces: satisfaction. Ok enough said. Anyway, I'm sorry for the lame gift. I just feel like handing it over to you. It means a lot to me.

I really love you. <3

Crashed over at Mirah's place with my ladies at night. It was hilarious. I miss my friends, though I don't miss school. Speaking of which, intensive studying is coming. Topical tests are commencing soon hah.

Happy new year once again!

To be true.

2012-01-01T08:08:00.002+08:00

Good times in 2011.

Celebrate the day; 2012

2012-01-01T07:43:00.001+08:00

Happy New Year to all.

Perhaps I'm a little too afraid of how my New Year's Day is going to turn out. 7:26am and I'm still awake. Going out in a few hours time and it seems to me, that I'm not going to get enough sleep. Not just enough, but rather, at all. I'm going to skip New Year's Eve. Screw the reflection post. It's stupid. There's nothing much to say. Yesterday can be described in 3 words. Lonely and gloomy. I have to thank bby for sacrificing his time just for me. It did made me feel better. So what's up? Well, I can only afford to hope for the best and expect the worst later. I guess I'm just disappointed at how people around me couldn't care less about how I feel. That makes me couldn't care less about how I feel either. I give up. I shall change my ways. As much as I love pretty masks, I'll put on one.

Even if I say I'm unhappy...

The thing is, who cares?

Who's to say what's impossible?

2011-12-31T11:07:00.000+08:00

I started off the year with you. I'm ending it with you too. It's pretty sad that the year is ending. It has been a fruitful year indeed. A lot of memories, both bitter and sweet. All being taken into account. Nonetheless, I don't see the point of mourning over the issue that the year's coming to an end. I'm still with you and if it is God's will, we shall be together next year and the following years ahead. So many things to say... to wrap up the year. It's New Year's Eve today and people all around are gearing up to usher in the new year. I don't know what's in for me. Shall sit back and go with the flow. Today's post shall be special. Shall be a letter/note to all. Hope things will turn out just fine today. Xxx.

I love you Ahmad Al' Muzakkir and the last few days of 2011 that I spent with you, were the utmost memorable to me. :') Hope it stays with you as time goes by. Because nothing beats the joy that I feel being with you.

Year End.

2011-12-30T03:33:00.002+08:00

There you go, photographs from the recent trip to Zoological Gardens with baby and his siblings. It was a memorable experience. A well spent day I must say. It made me feel exhausted that I was able to have a good sleep at night. ;)

Anyway, today's the 30th and that means tomorrow's new year's eve. I don't know if I'm going to do anything tomorrow to usher in the new year because I have a pretty bad feeling about 2012. Not because of the silly speculations about doomsday but hey, I'm referring to the fact that A Level's pretty near and the whole year of 2012 will indeed be a pretty hectic year for me. 2 days left of 2011, and this 2 days shall be spent with my loved ones. Baby's coming over later and I'll be going out with my family tomorrow, most probably. A week more to school and that's it. I'm on my own. I think. Nonetheless, through these thoughts of fear of mine, I'm hoping for good days ahead. With the willing of God. I shall have a special post tomorrow since the year is ending. As for now, I shall revise my work. /:

By the way, just a little note to my boyfriend.

Nothing has changed between us, not to me.

And I know you're always the soft hearted guy, that I'm in love with. Xxx

Try to make a move just to stay in the game

2011-12-28T23:32:00.000+08:00

I've changed.

I was not only told once.

Not twice, and not just by one.

I was told by many.

Told a few times.

Told over and over.

Have I complained of changes recently?

No, because I know changes only occur when surroundings change, when people around you change as well.

So when changes occur, deal with it. As you're complaining, you yourself are changing without realising it.

And please, I must have said too many times but I'm just going to say it one more time as I'm deeply bruised right now:

Stop having high expectations.

Don't even try to have any.

You're just not being grateful. Be thankful. Practise what you preach please.

Sigh, ditto.

Rise and Fall.

2011-12-28T09:49:00.000+08:00

Good morning good morning to you~

For the first time in quite awhile, I was woken up by the sunlight that shone through the windows in my room just about 2 hours ago, sometime after my dad went off to work. Decided to have breakfast, just a barbeque chicken pau and a mouth watering brownie sis brought home from Batam. While I was enjoying my petite breakfast, I took some time reading this Malay Literature book called Restu by Ismail Kassan. 5 more chapters to go and I'm done. I should be able to finish it before school reopens for discussion. Anyway, just a little detail about the book - it's about this man who came from a poor family and his life was full of endless struggle, found himself being in love with a girl who was separated from him for about 10 years. I won't say that it's just another love story. I mean, it's a Malay book, thus, there won't be things like holding hands, hugging, kissing whatnot. Merely a description of how they look into each other's eyes and talk with sincere thoughts in mind. I thought it was going to be such a bore, having to read it. I'm 3/4 through the book and I feel that it's kinda good. In fact, there's some parts whereby I shed a tear or two. The writing's just admirable.

Anyway, not to drift away, recently, I went to the Sg Zoo with Zakir, little sister Yasmin, elder sister Andi plus her fiance Izuan. It was a fun filled experience, got all excited when I saw the animals. It's been too long, the last time I stepped into the zoo was when I was 7? Calculatedly, that's a decade ago. Touched a few animals. Got into a conversation with Zakir's elder sister about rabbits. Her bunnies, Cookie and Cream are adorable! Should make friends with my Brownie, Sophie and Ashley. They've been mischievous lately. :( In any case, found myself getting to know another bunny lover. ;) Photos are with my boyfriend so I shall wait for that.

In any case, as for today... Zakir's off for his first driving lesson in the afternoon. Hope he'd wake up soon because he has to head down to the driving centre to book for his PDL or something. I'm a noob when it comes to driving lessons so pardon me if I'm wrong about anything. Heh heh. I'd be studying for today. See what I can afford to do. Shall not wait for the grass to grow. Heard CA's 2 weeks from now and I'm not even prepared. Call myself a Year 2 student. What a shame. :( So I shall be a productive member of society by revising today and probably until school reopens whereby I won't be as free as how I am now. 10 months to A Levels? Not a joke. That's all folks, til then.

Oh oh! Meeting my sweet Zakir for a movie tomorrow, might be meeting Nad on Friday to catch up and probably to study, Saturday's new year's eve and next week I've dance practices. I feel like I'm getting busy already. Looking forward to my new year's eve post. ^^ Have a bright day ahead.

:')

Color my life with the chaos of trouble (II)

2011-12-26T04:24:00.000+08:00

The best way to escape from any mishaps that happened is to sleep throughout the day. That was exactly what I did on Christmas day. Nothing to lose, having to waste time and be in bed the whole morning, afternoon and eventually evening as well, just to let go of negative thoughts and emotions that were running wild. Dad got me a bundle of Kinder Bueno when he heard that I wanted to study at night. Made myself coffee and well, I survived with those to keep myself awake all night. Naturally, I do not need chocolates and coffee to stay up these days. That's what I called Insomnia. Yes, still sleep-deprived. Just now was an exception. Needed some chocolate to stimulate my endocrine glands, in order to secrete hormones... that affected my mood. Now causing me to feel a little bit happier. I'm hoping that by making myself feel lethargic today will allow me to have a proper sleep tonight as I'll be having quite a busy day later on. This week will be interesting. I have dance practices from Tuesday onwards. May this week be a better week than the previous. Xxx

Take my breath away.

2011-12-24T23:22:00.000+08:00

Baby's song dedication to me...

My song dedication to Baby!

Baby kissed me under the mistletoe... NOT.

He kissed my toe.

Happy holidays xxx

Coming for you.

2011-12-24T06:28:00.000+08:00

I'm not amazed by the fact that I'm still wide awake now. I just couldn't get myself to sleep even though I've tried to. What's worst? The consequence of it; waking up late when I've something to attend to - be it important or otherwise. Let's take today as for an example. It's the 24th of December. Apart from Christmas Eve, which has got nothing to do with me, today's also a special day for Ahmad and I. As we both do not have any particular plan for the day, we agreed upon spending time together, chillin by the river. Although we've to meet in the afternoon, I'm afraid if I'm going to be late or so due to my insomnia. It's frustrating like mad because the outcome of it won't be pleasant. I'd feel guilty. People would eventually get mad at me. Sigh.

Nonetheless, I do hope that today's going to be a brilliant day. I have nothing much to say to my boyfriend other than I love being with you and I will always feel that way. We've gone through far too much together and every bitter/sweet moment spent was worth my time. YOU'RE worth my time. Through bad times too, you made me believe that this relationship is worth fighting for... You take me seriously and I mean a lot to you. Thank you for putting up with me, for those arguments had taught me a lot and has helped me in the process of growing up. Well... if not much, maybe adequate? Yeah. We're doing so much better as days go by and I'm glad we're here today, still lovin' each other.

Yesterday was well spent with Ahmad too. Bought me the nicest breakfast and stayed over to watch Harold and Kumar together, along with my sister. Friday became so cold and chilly in the late afternoon that I've to heat some scented candles around my room. Ate pizza when it rained, I must admit, it was so cosy.

Whatd'ya know? Time flies and it's already Saturday. This week has been magical to me. And I really hope the magic won't stop putting spells on me. Haha, have an awesome weekend~

P.s/ 2 more weeks to graduation year.

Hold on, the camaraderie between us do exist.

2011-12-23T02:54:00.002+08:00

This is him, without the injuries yet. |:

I'm the soccer captain now? How's that? ;)

There you go, Northern Galaxy FC!

Recently, I came down to support Baby over at a soccer tournament. If I'm not wrong, it's 11-A-Side Carnival at St Wilfrid. He told me about it so I guess I could give a little bit of support there! His team mates and himself were so paranoid of getting kicked out in the first few matches. I guess it was due to the fear that others were so much better. More professional and experienced I heard? Saw a friend of his which was a good soccer player back in Serangoon Secondary. He's still good they say. Though he was in another team so yeah. Told Baby that if God's willing, his team would make it to the finals. There were a few teams there. Guess what? His team, NGFC, did make it to the finals! I was so proud of Baby. He was the saviour of his team because he scored a goal that led them to the finals. Still remember myself squealing, "That's my baby!" when he scored. It was embarrassing indeed. I did that on impulse, unavoidable. :/ For the finals, NGFC's opponent was WSC. Some team that was super good. They had a coach so... ok. His team was the runner-up and the final score was 1-0. Not bad, at least it wasn't trashy!

All in all, I had a great time. Was there from morning til the evening. If there's future soccer tournaments, it'll be such a pleasure for me to watch Baby in action again. This time, I shall bring my pom pom~ Hahaha neh just kidding.

Just so you know, I'd be up early later to have breakfast with boyfee. Decided to have some good breakfast nearby. Plus, wouldn't it be nice to meet him again? :D

Oh, and I'd like to wish my sister a merry Happy 24th Birthday. She's gotten herself some pretty flowers just now as well as some presents from her boyfriend. That lady is as happy as a lark now! Heard that she'll be heading to the zoo later? I'm just hoping she'd be out early and be home late. I need the whole house to myself since she's not working. HEHE.

P.s/ In time, you'll know that you can always count on me.

My source of happiness.

2011-12-21T06:21:00.001+08:00

These photographs were taken from the outing with Baby, his younger sister, Yasmin, his elder sister and her fiance. It was supposed to be just Baby and I on that particular day but his sister called and asked if we were interested to ride on the convertible. So we were fine with it and it was a great experience indeed! We ate at West Coast and headed off to Tuas where it was completely deserted. The scenery was splendid. ;)

Baby has got the most beautiful eyes any guys could ever have.

"You look like an angry fat girl eating!" -.-

That solo photo of Baby... Like seriously?! He looks like a caucasian model and mannnn~ I wish he was my boyfriend. HAHA. Just a little joke there for you. Those photographs, they were taken recently, which was on Monday, when we left for the chalet. You have no idea how horrible we looked like by the time we came back from the chalet. Hahaha! Nonetheless, I had a great time with my sweety. There's others as well but they shall be uploaded on Baby's facebook I guess.

Haiy my boyfriend so handsome while I look like a fat girl who wants to steal your food. However, I must admit that as long as we're both happy, it doesn't matter who's the beauty and who's the beast. Ugly girls get good looking guys, they say? Hah. Well... that might be true. Maybe, just maybe, ugly girls have a better heart. ;) As for me, when your partner says, "How can a handsome guy wants to be with an ugly girl? Obviously he's after someone pretty."

Then you should listen to him and agree that you're pretty too because that makes sense. HAHA.

Blessed.

2011-12-20T22:17:00.002+08:00

Gd evening to all of you! xxx

I'm back from the chalet and I am super exhausted. My stay at the chalet wasn't tiring. I didn't tire myself... not really. Was just hanging around with some of my girlfriends, playing silly mindfuckin games. It's just the journey to the destination itself that made me worn out. I've to admit, I still do miss my friends. I mean, I feel like I'm "home" whenever I'm with them. They have never failed to make me feel good around them. I feel so comfortable, too comfortable that it's sad we don't see each other often anymore. Life has changed and for some of us, next year will be our graduation - another step to being a Uni-grad. To some others, having a diploma is on their way~ These girls will always be in my prayers.

Since there's nothing much to talk about the chalet itself, I must admit that the whole of Monday was spent with Baby. Baby was all dressed up (he looked smoking hot by the way) when he came over on Monday afternoon, while I, on the other hand, was awoken by his missed-call. Sorry about that, slept at 8am due to sickening insomnia. We then left for Somerset to watch Mission Impossible 4. It was a great movie, the stunts were crazy. All in all, it was worth it, plus Paula Patton's in the movie. She's just lovely. We thought of heading to Clarke Quay in the evening. The place is just so vibrant at night. Nonetheless, there wasn't much time so we had a loooong journey to the chalet instead. Goldkist beach resort is so damn far. :( Baby joined my friends and I at the chalet, the outcome of that was... well, pretty noob-ish. I just exposed to him how silly I am when I'm with them. But that's okay. When people started leaving, Baby surprised me with a beauuuuuutiful gift.

I don't know how to say this but, I was so touched it made me feel wobbly. All along I carried a paperbag that's filled with wrapped up presents and I didn't notice it. How dumb can I be? I impulsively believed him when he said it was just some containers for his grandmother. HAHA. Nice trick there. I opened the gift wrapper and saw a cute polaroid camera, bundled with the films. I was pretty speechless and I swear I was holding back a lot of things. Thank you so much for getting me that. Although, til now, I've no idea why you got me that for because there's no special occasion or anything. Nonetheless, I'm super touched and you really are amazing with surprises. Do know that I'm impressed but I'm not looking for these things in you. I just want your time and your presence is all I need. I love you, thank you for everything. <3

( There was also another surprise not too long after that's just so sweet I nearly teared :') ) The whole wee hours were spent well. Studied at Macs, had a peaceful long walk with Baby over at Marine parade estates around 3am. Sunrise was awesome. He squealed when the waves crashed into the shore that washed our feet. Hilarious! Oh my, there's just too many things to share. When dawn breaks, we went home, rested and Baby went off to his FTT test! Congratulations upon your results syg, I'm so proud of you. PDL's next, then it shall be TP and there you go, your own driver's license!

Will be watching Baby's tournament at St Wilfred tomorrow morning. All the best to you :D I'll be there to watch you (and maybe read my notes or sastera book sigh) I'm looking forward to spend time with you again.

Photos are all with him so the next post will be them all. Have a pleasant mid-week everyone!

Just like Forks.

2011-12-19T08:33:00.002+08:00

Time check: 8:30am

Was I asleep? No. Hahaha I haven't slept and yes here I am listening to the sounds of raindrops touching the ground. Traffic's getting busy every hour. Monday's here. I'm freezing. With 2 jackets with me, my bones still feel numb. In a few hours time, baby's coming over. Can't wait! We're going to get ready for chalet. I'll be back tomorrow. :)

Have a great week ahead. xxx

Love after marriage.

2011-12-19T03:02:00.002+08:00

Well, I guess this is for my boyfriend. Don't try to google this because I created it. Hahaha. So here it goes:

You see, the twirl that you do to me

Makes me dizzy everytime I think about it.

And whenever I wonder about "we"

I'd always have a zit (haha)

Those days you drive me crazy,

it ain't as crazy as it seems....

Whenever we bicker worse than me and Fauzi,

I always have to think of a word that rhymes with "seems"
(HAHAHA omg faillll)

I was right about the day I first met you

My exact thoughts were.

That you'd be somebody, someday, sometime

At one point in my life,

it came true.

That I was able and still am to call you mine.

I don't know about me being your wife.

But one thing for sure I'd be elated if that, too, came true.

There's no point in being sober

When you know we've got each other

Those days when you feel like slapping my face

Oh that's the perfect time for me to pace

The hurtful things that we tend to do

That might just hurt both me and you

No matter what goes wrong somewhere along the busy road

I promise I won't make you feel like a toad (Brawk)

Because it does suck to see you sad

whenever I get mad.... or vice versa.

Actually I love you

You're not difficult for me to woo (?)

Just a random post there. Hope it doesn't sound too corny I need to kill myself now ok bye. Eh maybe cry first then kill myself. See you people on Tuesday.

Keep on keepin on.

2011-12-18T18:51:00.002+08:00

Just love the lyrics to this.

Before I get back to my holiday assignments, I have to let some few things off my chest. Indeed, I've been holding back some of my problems. Maybe major ones, maybe not. Nonetheless, it's alright to share because I believe in "you will go crazy if you keep things to yourself" and "there's a light at the end of the tunnel". You see, my first situation is - I've never wanted to live in anywhere else except Hougang. The thought of shifting to somewhere else makes me feel really devastated. I was born here, I grew up here and still growing up here. Most of my friends are here, my boyfriend is here, the bus services that I love, everything I need is here. It's just so convenient. Hougang Point. What more can I ask more? I just don't want to move but seriously, what choices do I have? I don't even have a say in this matter. And that totally sucks.

Then again, there's this monetary issue that well, I suppose isn't an unusual thing that occurs to some of us. Having to live in Singapore...It makes me wonder, are we truly happy here? With all the facilities and the standard of living that we have right now, I sure am contented. On the flipside, am I fully satisfied? No. Not when my happiness is hindered by some monetary problems faced all year round. Not talking about my wants on gadgets or clothes here. I sure can make do with what I have. I won't complain. After all, being sophisticated at the age of 17 isn't my thing. Having a bright future and being a successful woman is. I'm just touching on basic necessities. I guess. Let me make it clear. I'm not saying that I should blame my parents for not knowing how to save for children's wants and needs. They're struggling and I'm aware of that. The fact that I never ask them for money unnecessarily, should be something to be proud of, don't you think? Look, when was the last time I went shopping? Let me see, when I got my scholarship? Even food... On an average daily basis, I eat once a day and it's not even called food. It's called pathetic. I hunt for my own food, even without pocket money. I do my own laundry. I clean up my room although that's rare. I struggle with my studies without any tuition or whatnot. I make my own bed although that's rare...again. I don't seek help from anyone. I. practically. do. my. own. things. So.... does the word "independent" rings you a bell? And really, those girls who complain about their maids not cooking nice dishes or didn't iron their clothes properly should kill themselves with my third finger. Be grateful. Even if you're unhappy. Because that's exactly what I'm doing right now. Haha.

Though it'd be nice to have a better life. But I am happy, just bothered by some things like no food in the house. Heh. And if I carry on saying such things I'd be contradicting myself to the extent you won't understand what am I saying.

In summary, in case you're lazy to read the whole chunk above... I'm sick and tired of living in the dark. It's such an honour for me to listen to people's problems. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. I feel good when people share with me their problems. I feel like... I'm trusted. Having problems is a cool thing. That sounds crazy, but with every problem you encountered and you overcame it, you might just become a better person. More mature? Maybe.

And my love, you don't have to worry. I'll be here whenever you need me. I'll try my best to help. Even if the help is merely comforting you. I know what's going on in your head and I'd really love to show you what is it like to live with problems yet with love around you.

A bothered man will survive as long as he's loved. I think.

Good rainy day everyone.

Join me. I'll be doing GP essay and read Southeast Asia History for the rest of the day. Math's done and that means 80% of my holiday assignments are covered. Bravo.

There's a light that never goes out.

2011-12-16T17:20:00.001+08:00

Thursday wasn't that fine.

I just want to apologise for waking up late, didn't go to school because meeting's over by then. So I shall move on...

I've to admit, this webcam thing is so much fun to play with! Look at how monstrous this app had made me become!

Okay so today's pretty messy at first. I pulled myself out from today's outing with my friends because I just don't feel right tagging along. I have completely no mood for picnic, food, laughters and basically pure fun. I feel like I'm such a sober freak since yesterday evening. I thought that, you know, it'd be the best for me to just be on my own today. It's just a normal stay-at-home day. Things changed, however, when baby came over, with food. He said he could accompany me before he headed off to work. I couldn't say no to that, so we did hang out for awhile. It's nice to have him around at times like this. We talked and those riddles of his just won't stop flowing. He's so creative I cannot believe he could actually come up with some of those himself. Some made me laugh but others, I'd think he's being lame. Hahaha nevertheless you're fun to be with, really. ;) Thanks for everything, from the food to the time you're willing to spend with me. I really am looking forward to Monday! In any case, I did put aside 6th January for my friends. They asked me to make myself free.

You see, I have got to stop wasting my time not doing anything worthwhile. The problem is, I just couldn't. All I ever want to do everyday is to stay in bed. Or get my ass off to the kitchen where I can get some food... and go back to bed. Sigh pig pigggg. I shall try to have a productive weekend and have some fun on Monday.

Will be staying at home on both days. Most probably. Might be catching up with my long-lost good friend, Haizan. My goodness you have no idea how much I've missed her. Other than that, study? Like I've a choice not to. Haha. I have said this so many times but I feel the need to say it again.

Really miss the ol' times.
Studying and having fun at the same time. Humanities was so cool, Chemistry was the sex, Malay was not even a subject to me, because I barely studied for it. Now? Everything's hell.

Take me out tonight~ Oh, take me anywhere, I don't care.

I don't care, I don't care, I don't care~

It's stuck in my head!

The Deepest of All Thoughts.

2011-12-15T06:07:00.001+08:00

It's aImost 5.30am now and yes I'm still awake while everybody's asleep. Not surprising I must say. You know, just a little bit of unnecessary info for those who'd come across this post... While people were sleeping, I don't really prefer to bother anyone to accompany me. Instead, I'd keep myself accompanied by songs or well, just be on Youtube and catch up with That 7o's Show. Episode after episode, I don't seem to get bored of it. From time to time, I'd refresh the Facebook page. I know it seems pathetic. There's nothing much on Fb anyway. Twitter? I've yet to have my own. I feel like an imposter. Some people are insomniatic just like me. The only thing I can afford to do is to scroll down the timeline. Other than that, scary thoughts would come by as I lay in bed and do complete nothing.

These thoughts of mine... Some may be pleasant, most will not be as friendly to my poor brain. I just recalled a moment that occurred at baby's place just now. We were going through some collectables. Came across some photos and things that baby received from the past. Not much as compared to the things he collects from me. Believe it or not, he keeps my hairclip without me knowing. I told you he's obsessed with me. Hehe. I must say, I'd looooove to keep a piece or two of the photos. It's just too cute to throw them away. When I saw photos of baby and his ex, first few words I remembered myself saying were, "Omg this is so cute!" And right now, I have no idea what was I thinking. HAHA. I mean, honestly, no hard feelings about what I saw. Really. Maybe I know it was like a year ago, maybe two. Sometimes... I just don't know how my insecurities and jealousy can vanish out of a sudden. It scares me how, in one sec I can be acceptive and all. The next sec I'd be angsty and fed-up. I really am weird. Nonetheless, I have to admit that baby wasn't really acceptive about my collectables. When he saw my photos he went berserk. But cute. Hehe.

When I look at Ahmad, I know that I can never find the right words to describe how I was feeling at that moment. All of my problems seem to be non-existent. And I just love to see his face when he's jealous. Hahaha, it's just too obvious. You know, it may take a short time to realise that a person is having a crush on you. But it takes you awhile to realise that that person really loves you. I don't know, the things he do, just couldn't make me stay upset for long. Maybe he's just afraid that he might lose me. Maybe he just want me all to himself. Maybe I mean so much to him. These things... they've been said too many times that I can remember the exact words he said to me. I know that any guy can say those to me. The only thing that sets him different from any others is that he stays with me. He never leaves...

When you love someone, you got to firstly, admit it. Secondly, show it. Express it. There's no point in you keeping it all to yourself. Hiding away from it. Notice how special your partner is. How he/she is different from others around you. Appreciate.

This is an exhaustive post but I don't know... Just feel like ranting. Haha. Furthermore, at times like this, when you're all alone and you're not doing anything, you'd tend to think and reflect. So there you go. I haven't set resolutions for new year yet. Okay, I don't set any resolutions actually. Maybe I should have? In any case, I'd do a reflection about this year soon. Til then, I'll be not too far beyond reach :)

A moment. A love.

2011-12-15T01:38:00.001+08:00

I got to do this, we both look so sweaty. D:

Today started off bad but it ended, well, pretty sweet I shall say. I wasted 3/4 of the day just because I was in bed until like, what, 4pm? Lay in bed, paralysed. Can't think of any way to make the time pass me by other than to stay in bed and sleep it off. My mind was messed up. I felt so... low. Decided to cook some Soya Sauce Chicken for dinner. I don't know if that's the right name for the dish because I only know it in Malay that is, Ayam Kichap. Hahaha. Nonetheless, I musn't be so modest this time round. Must admit, it taste gooooood. :)

I went over to baby's place in the evening to pass him the luggage I borrowed for my Indon trip last month. I thought it was just going to be a 'drop-by' kinda thing but I ended up staying there for a few hours. His mom was super cute. The way she talks to me. The way she asked me to come in. I couldn't speak up much because to be honest, I'm shy too. I mean, come on, it's baby's MOM. Don't talk about baby's dad. I'll prolly pee in my pants. :0 Hahaha. Yasmin came home soon after I settled down there. But they'd to leave. So it was just the two of us in the end. I was watching Spongebob, sigh. Patrick is one freakin noob. I just love how stupid he is. Haha! Supposed to watch 500 Days of Summer but... heh. Didn't watch it. Perhaps next time!

Brother's going to watch movie with his buddies today. Me? I don't even know if I can wake up on time. You see, I'm only awake at night. We shall see about later. Good night everyone.

Have faith.

2011-12-14T04:44:00.001+08:00

Someday... when I can getaway from everything, I'd have a road trip. I'd drive. I'd escape. This kinda places ain't far. They're not beyond reach. That place, it's there. And for every sunset that I've missed, I know someday I'll get the opportunity to be there. Find solidarity.

Someday we'll know.

Maybe, just maybe, I can be there to watch this beautiful moment while listening to this:

And I'll follow to the lyrics of the song when he goes;

Cause the scars run so deep it's been hard but I have to believe
Have a little patience.

I've got to believe, that someday happiness will stay. That it won't leave me.

Have a bright Wednesday.

63879877...

2011-12-13T18:07:00.001+08:00

Tuesday's here again and still, I haven't done much for my holiday assignments. I did very little, that explains how much I've been rotting my ass off these days. Which is obviously, asking for trouble. I'm becoming lazy, I haven't even do my own laundry. Bummer. Ahh, I'm sidetracking. Moving on.. I had a morning jog with sis at a nearby park just now. Was woken up by her. I heard something like, "Wake up to healthy lifestyle!" From her... Yeap. So I accompanied her. Well, it was quite an achievement for bums like us. Went home and exchanged a few texts with sweety. His brother went off for NS this morning. So he's enlightened by the fact that he has got the bedroom to himself. I feel so happy for him. No more "kicks" and "noises" at night. *Peace* Hahaha just a joke for you there brother. Don't be offended. :B What am I up to currently? I have no idea. There's a post-it on my lappy saying:

Things to do- Jog at park, laundry, math revision, southeast asia history.

Well obviously, I've only done 1 out of 4 tasks. Mmm.

Now that it's the evening, I shall try to complete whatever I'm supposed to do so I can meet Mr Muzakkir tomorrow with my mind at ease. I hope I'm able to meet him that is. I've to head to school on Thursday again. Sigh. And oh, great movies coming right up. Exciting!

P.s/ If I'm a phone call away, that'll be the number to remember.

Marvin's Room (Can't do better)

2011-12-12T06:41:00.001+08:00

"I'm the fucking best so you can't do better."

-Jojo

Here Comes Your Man.

2011-12-12T01:27:00.001+08:00

Good morning good morning! So I've been on my lappy since forever. It has been like 7 hours since I started uploading a video on Youtube. As I've mentioned earlier on, I went over to Tampines to collect my Math from Dyn. Baby accompanied me so yeah he went to Tampines too. Thereafter, we spent some time together. That's how the vid came about. It's just terrible how the upload seems to be super slow as the size of the file is very big. /: Oh well, it's a nice one and baby hasn't watch it yet. Must be exciting hehe. Anyway, I am a happy lady beyond words today as me boyfriend is going to spend time with me. ^^

Other than that, I'll be doing some work as I didn't do anything yesterday. I can't believe I've wasted one whole day not doing anything productive. Sigh. In any case, looking forward to spend each and every minute of my holiday wisely as I won't be as free as how I am now when school reopens. What a life. Nonetheless, there's always something to look forward to yes? My life isn't that bad, I say. In fact, it's been good these days. :)

I miss Ahmad.

Color my life with the chaos of trouble.

2011-12-11T01:57:00.001+08:00

I feel so accomplished today for completing a GP essay. I procastinate a lot and it's bad. I planned to do it like last Monday or something and yes, I only did it just now. For 4 hours. Who the heck do a GP essay for 4 long hours? I deserve to be slaughtered. Nonetheless, I feel good. I've yet to check my work though. Sigh, troublesome. I bet the quality of my work was a piece of cow dung. Anyway, yesterday was a fine day. Just as how I expected it to be. I woke up late as per normal. Paid my cousin's grandma a visit in the hospital. You have no idea how reluctant I was to drag my ass to TTSH. I totally loathe hospitals. Scares the shit outta me. Especially ambulance... :( She just had an OP and I just feel the need to visit her. It was super troublesome, the procedure to visit patients. I mean, there was some kind of a 4-visitors-only rule and I'd to scan a barcode to enter this MRT-like entry. 5 minutes after I reached the bed, I received an sms by the hospital that I'd to leave because there's other visitors waiting for their turn. It was utter.... Okay no comment. My grandma was so adorable, complaining about how miserable it is there and all. I sympathise her and at the same time, I felt good that at least I was there to show my concern about her well-being. Hopefully she'll get well soon. xxx

Thereafter, I had a meal with my family over at a mall before I headed home. It wasn't a long day but I have to admit that I was pretty upset I couldn't get to eat Gogo Franks. Boo. :( It has been quite some time already. There are limited outlets around for me to have the convenience of getting those prata sausages. Sigh.

Will be meeting Dyn over at Tamp for my Math revision booklet. Hahaha, this is the story of my holiday. I don't see the point of giving students like me a 'holiday'. We can't have a proper rest. It's just a crime to slack. Waiting for my 9-month holiday after A Levels. That shall be para para paradise for me~ Speaking of A Levels, I don't even know what's coming out for tests when school reopens. Shoot.

And hoorah I'm meeting my boyfriend tomorrow. Just saying. I'm elated, joyful and some other expressions that has similar meaning to that. Tomorrow shall be a pleasant day for me, you and all of us. Amin.

Reliance.

2011-12-10T02:06:00.001+08:00

I was going through Ah.is.mad photos... for fun. I know I've been obsessing over him for days now ever since that incident. Not that I wasn't obsessed with this guy before that. I have been, for the past year, definitely. He's just so handsome. And he's so pleasant to be with. In this photo, he's just too... Oh. I. just. can't. Hahaha! *Meltz.

You know, I've been thinking and in my point of view, it's just a good practice that you actually praise your partner. Sigh, if only I'm this guy's girlfriend, the one in the photo... chey, hahaha joking. But really, he's a real charmer.

Priceless day, yesterday. Had baby over at my place again. This time, he caught me off guard! I was supposed to be up early. I woke up a little late and I was finding my brother. He was bathing and well, it didn't bother me. Hahaha. Went to the toilet and when I came out my brother came to me and said, "Oh it wasn't abang Ahmad, it was the postman. Got some parcel for sis." I was like, "Parcel? Where?" And yeah he was a poor liar. I knew baby was around and I checked my room. He wasn't there. I turned around and he got me screaming at his face. Evil. Nonetheless, I still love him because he brought over breakfast. Finally he watched 500 Days Of Summer with me! Thought he wouldn't like it because he hasn't been very positive about it. But when we were watching it, he was super quiet and concentrating. HAHA. And yeah, waiting to watch part 2 soon because I lost the 2nd disc :( I told you it's a nice show dear! We ate late lunch in the evening, along with my brother, at RK. That's about it I guess. Special.

Will be staying at home this weekend. It's going to be fun! I just want to sleep. Baby has to work, sigh. So hardworking. Look at me, getting fatter each day. I used to have double chin, well I guess now I've triple chin. Haha kidding. I've studying to do though so we're equally busy. I'm getting a little bit too reliant on him. I'm just hoping it's a good thing. Hmm, that day really changes everything. We're so.... different now. And I pretty like how things are between us right now. It feels so down-to-earth and so tame. :')

Knock knock. Whose there? Amos. Amos who? HAHAHA.

You are home, home where I wanted to go.

2011-12-08T23:10:00.001+08:00

Another pleasant day. Why can't everyday be like this? Just the way it is. It has been three days now. I don't want this happiness to end. And I've never felt so good like how I do now. Thanks to my lovely Ahmad Al' Muzakkir, who is super sweet and his goofyness won't make me get tired of him. Love to be around you dear. Waiting for another day to come that I could be with you again... which is later. Hehe. I appreciate the time that you've allocated for me. I'm grateful.

I love you and I know you're madly in love with me too. ;)

There goes the fear.

2011-12-08T00:16:00.001+08:00

One day I will go all the way with you.

N dey say.

2011-12-07T23:01:00.001+08:00

Hello there. Before I allow the day to come to an end, I'd like to say something. Just a few hours ago, I was looking forward to today. And guess what? The day is almost gone now. How I wish time stops when I'm having fun. It's kinda silly, how I'd wish for time to move fast when I'm in a mess or when I'm bored. But on the flipside, I'd wish for otherwise. So basically today was a productive day. Sweet and memorable. Just like any other day, I stayed at home. I did my brother a favour, however, since he wanted me to accompany him to school in the morning. It's rare to have me awake at 9am on a holiday. I dropped by Zakir's house while waiting for my brother to be done. Waited for that guy for quite some time... And everything became better the moment I saw him. All three of us bought some food and walked home. Had Zakir over at my place for the day. Until he went off to work. While he was at my place, there's a lot of wonderment... at how much he actually cared for me. I remembered that we were so still, we talked and smiled. He talked some sense into me and I did the same to him. After what happened yesterday, we both knew we need each other. That moment was just special. I fell asleep. And he watched me asleep. (Don't get me wrong, he's no Edward) He saw me having a nightmare, which was totally embarrassing. :( I woke up abruptly, cried and I don't know why. I can't even remember what I dreamt of. One thing for sure is that I woke up and I felt empty. I felt alone and just pure sadness. I looked over at him and he was cuddled up like a baby. It just struck me - what was I supposed to do if yesterday was real?

When he appeared outside of the toilet and asked me what's wrong, I can't stop the tears flowing down. When he said he knew something was wrong, I knew yesterday was just a big mistake I've done. I don't know what was I thinking, trying to leave just like that.

Would I be paralysed if he isn't there anymore? Traumatic.

Maybe I was upset that yesterday happened. Maybe, just maybe, I was afraid to be left alone, vulnerable. I can't deny, there had been too many incidents that occurred which left me bruised deeper and deeper each time. I can no longer withstand pain, heartaches. I don't know what happened to my tolerance level. Nonetheless, today changes things between us. We were more... afraid of losing each other.

He made me hot chocolate which is so sweet of him. And we sat in the living room. In the cold, wet weather. With thunder and strong wind. Not exaggerating but that was what I experienced at home /: My brother joined in and the awkward silence made my brother asked if I was having a nightmare. I stood up and went to my room, and I didn't know why I did that, too. Things only became much better when I talked to Zakir. I just felt good when he was there with me. Trust me, I never wanted him to leave. He just had to. Obviously. I mean, he doesn't stay here with me. Even though he promised me to spend time with me tomorrow, I wished today never end.

It may seem to be like a narrative story to all, well it's just more than a story to me. I felt good despite the nightmare and it has been quite some time that I've not felt this way.

I promise.

2011-12-07T01:31:00.001+08:00

I will wipe your tears away. For which no tears will stick to your skin. I won't ever let you fall. For those horrible days and sleepless nights are over. I hereby stand by you, ready to take on the world. You and I, we - we are up for this and we will never be alone. For we have each other and will never be out of faith. For you, I will.

Ahmad Al' Muzakkir.

How do I address you? Boyfriend, lover, soulmate?

Nah, I shall just stick to calling you by the normal names. In any case, I'm here today to give you a piece of my mind for the day. Yesterday was pretty hectic, don't you think? For the public didn't know, well you and I, we're there to witness the whole scene. I shall not elaborate on it as it is not something I'd like to remember. I shall and I should put it behind me, us. I was just thinking of, well, I might have said a lot of things to you and have been repeating the same ol' "I love you" "You're very special to me" or "I can't imagine being without you". If there's other phrases that could make me express how I really feel about you, I would. Unfortunately I'm not that creative so here I am today, saying the same things over and over again. But I'd rather, say the same things over and over than to think of how we'd fail by not showing how grateful we are of having each other. I love you.

And I'm sorry. Well, I know we're cool but I just feel the need to apologise. Hahaha, I can't wait to see you later. xxx

We.

2011-12-06T01:58:00.001+08:00

I may sound cheesy right now but well, this was what has been on my mind ever since I was heating up instant pizza in the oven. Haha. I've been having nightmares recently and it's very disturbing. Some might cause me to cry when I woke up, some causes me to think deep. All in all, I just want these nightmares to stop. I don't wanna be bugged. Maybe I'm just insecured. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to think of the possibilities of being without you or end up being left by you etc. I'm not announcing to the whole world that I'm weak in the sense that I'm not confident about being with you. I know you will always stand by me no matter what happens. That explains why you're still here with me today. And no words can describe how glad I am for having you here with me.

Despite those bad weathers, I have never wanted ditch us. Although I must admit that I've thought of escaping the pain... In the end I didn't. I just couldn't do it because that's just not me. Quitting. I know I've been such an idiot these days for saying things that shouldn't be said. I should've been more careful with my words. With how I handle my emotions. I apologise for all of that. It's just that when I'm upset, I tend to think of the negatives. Why people don't think about how I feel? Why people prioritise about themselves? About what they want and what they need from me? When it comes to you, it's no different. Nevertheless, I do realise that I'm at fault too for looking at things on the negative side. If I were to be a little bit more positive and accepting, there's going to be less arguments. I'm hopeful.

I know it's stupid for saying all of these here. It's as if I don't have the balls to say it to your face. (I literally don't have balls) But trust me, when I see you soon, I'm going to reiterate everything. Not to mention apologising to you profusely. I don't know, it just breaks my heart seeing you getting hurt over and over again. Because of me. It shouldn't be that way. I'm supposed to make you happy, make us happy. I mean, we ARE happy being together! It's just that I can definitely be better than how I am now. So, bottomline, there's so many things I can do just to make you feel better. I'm tired of asking you to "forget about it" it just won't get us anywhere. It's time when we change the way on how we look upon things and how we solve issues together.

I don't like the idea of having outsiders bearing a negative impression of you. Because of me. I don't know who's going to come across this but I hope I'm able to reach to the masses. Because no matter what you do, what you say, you're always better than any others. And obviously, you treat me better than anyone else. I'm sure about this. That's why I'm still with you. Makes sense. I can weep and I can complain but people out there... They've got to know the reason why I chose to stay.

You're worth my time.

The end.

Pumped Up Kicks.

2011-12-05T16:57:00.001+08:00

To me, it's always nice to stay at home on such a cooling day with a romantic weather like this. It's 5:12pm right now, according to my lappy. I'm starting up on GP essays, taking things slow and easy. While I'm attempting to plan for an essay on crime among young people, it's perfect for me to listen to Pumped Up Kicks. "You better run better run, outrun my gun." I think Foster the People is a brilliant uprising band. Their songs are fresh and addictive. Well, I'm putting it on replay.

So Monday blues? Not really. I might just want to enjoy my nasi lemak for now and spend time with myself for the rest of the day. Who says being alone is torturous? It is not always a sad thing to be alone. :D As a matter of fact, I'm supposed to be with my friends today but... Mum and bro are going to be at home and she needs me to be at home today so here I am then. Furthermore, baby's away at work so that's a reason why I should stay at home. Hahaha. If I'm lucky, he might get a day-off tomorrow and I can get to see him for awhile? Perhaps.

Enjoy the nice weather while you can.

P.s/ There's no reason for me to react if there isn't any opposing forces acting upon me.

Fix you.

2011-12-04T18:29:00.001+08:00

I was so touched when I saw that on her blog. http://vulnerableskies.blogspot.com/ It made me tear a little, looking at how sweet Umairah is, for saying such things about me. :') It felt so good to know that I bring joy to people's lives. You see, it's just so rare to know that you make people feel happy? Well, this is for you, dearest Munchkin. For the past year, you've been a great friend and you're always this cute, little girl to me whom I treat like a small sister. Keep on keepin' on! Xxx.

It all begins... with a choice.

2011-12-04T17:26:00.001+08:00

It's a wet wet afternoon back in hometown. Apparently, I'm home alone with my sister, who's in her room. She's having a tough time so I wouldn't want to bother her. The others are out. I don't really know where they were heading to. All I know is that I asked my mum to get for me KFC for dinner. Haha, I really am hungry right now. In any case, I managed to meet baby for awhile just now before he headed off to work. Nothing much, I sent my notes for binding. I came back, settled down and now I'm doing up a study schedule, which is almost done I guess. Uploading my Immersion Trip's photos on Facebook. I've got infinite photos to upload that I feel super lazy having to do this. At the same time, it's not a crime to check out Twilight's website and all, right? Haha, I didn't know there's this Twilight Time Capsule thing which looks like this:

I pressed start and realised I shouldn't do it. But it's fun! Just a sidetrack; Someday I'd love to visit Forks. Such a wonderful place.

Good day everyone.

Adapting.

2011-12-03T19:10:00.001+08:00

I hereby declare that my holiday starts now. Time flies and I couldn't help but to think how tough my life is going to be for the next 11 months. I can't believe I'm an A Level student. Not that I want to brag of being a smart ass or something. But who am I to kid about being unprepared for the major examinations? I've pretty much settled down, now that I'm resting at home, not doing anything in particular. Although I must say that I'm working on a study schedule for this month.

I had lunch with my friends at 18 Chefs yesterday and I was glad that baby joined in too. I had to be in school early in the morning to hand over the blazer used during the Indonesia trip. Thereafter, I spent some time with baby at Macs@Tampines Mart whereby no one would find us there. That place is so secluded. /: To me. I waited for baby to be done with his prayers and then we had lunch. I had so much fun! After lunch, we headed off to E!Hub to watch Breaking Dawn. Twilight: Something baby doesn't like in the first place. He watched it because I love it. I feel complete having to watch all four. There's part 2 to Breaking Dawn and yes I am waiting for the finale. When I got home, I had a talk with my sister. You know those normal conversations we always have at home. I told her that it was sad to hear songs played during Breaking Dawn that's so familiar to me... Like the Flightless Bird. That's like from the first one, Twilight! It's definitely sad how it has come to an end. Having to know that I still remember how I saw the poster of Twilight for the first time at Lido. I was bugging someone to watch it because of Robert Pattinson. It was silly of me because I like Robert Pattinson from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. And so I watch Twilight 2 times, New Moon followed by Eclipse. Breaking Dawn was as special to me. Enough said, Twilight's just a dream that will never come true. By the way, I've got the Jacob's huge cup! Hehehe. I argued with baby during the movie. Baby insisted that Edward is good looking while I said Jacob is better looking. Nevertheless, I agreed that Edward is indeed charming in the middle of the movie and he was a little offended. HAHAHA. Somehow Twilight is relatable to me and it sucks to choose between Edward and Jacob. It is a joke now but it wasn't last time. Haha. Well, it was actually a joke to me but I don't know why it became such a serious matter. :/

In any case, baby's working the whole of this week and I'll be studying while he's away. Last 2 weeks of December shall be my holiday whereby I'll go for the chalets and spend time with baby and my family. That's about it I guess.

Well you know, after an argument with you dear, it is really very comforting to just hug you and look into your eyes. Haha don't ask me why but I love to cry in your arms. And say sorry for whatever I've done. It made me feel so much better. Let's argue again and I shall do the same thing, again! Hehe just kidding. It sucks whenever we argued. I know we love each other, it's sad to waste time on arguments rather than being happy. I know you're trying, and I'm proud of what you've done for me. Don't ever think you're useless because no one ever is. Everybody is useful for something. You just need to realise it. You're special to me and it's more than just the ring that keeps us together. (Well, I'm not saying that the ring is A reason why we're still together) Hahaha!

I love you Zakir<3

4 Flights Home.

2011-12-01T09:26:00.001+08:00

I can describe the trip to Solo and Yogyakarta in these words: The best and the worst trip yet. And so I'm finally home, meeting the lovely people in my life again. I do miss Indonesia a little but I miss Singapore much more. I don't miss being in that country, I just those times I had with my friends. They're all so wicked! Food, accommodation wise... Nah, I'll stick to being in Singapore for awhile. ;) I was down with food poisoning for a couple of days. 4 ulcers and a flu wasn't a joke. For a surrounding temperature of 38 degrees celcius wasn't cool either. I had struggles all along, though I visited awesome places with brilliant sceneries. Not to mention, at one point of time, I thought I was at Forks. /:

Speaking of Forks, I heard Breaking Dawn is in town? I've yet to watch that in theatres but most probably soon. I don't want to miss it at all. Okay back to what I was saying, being away for 10 days is a big deal to me. Especially when I'm on my own. I still remember that night when I met baby at 10pm because we wanted to overnight at the airport before I left. I was needed to report at 5am. My flight was at 7.25am. It was the sweetest mornight ever. And it was heartbreaking to say good bye. Nevertheless, I've more to say about being welcomed home.

I was more than excited to walk towards the gates. My friends were saying "Your brother's so cute, waving at you like mad!" I can't find him for a moment until I saw this one handsome guy, all dressed up with nice haircut, standing beside my brother, grinning and his eyes were all hidden. Gave my bro a hug and of course it was so niceeeee to hug baby! :') Hugged my parents as well, they were there too. And my dad gave baby and I the permission to be on our own as they went off to Geylang to eat or something. It was my dad's birthday yesterday too! I bought for him a pocket Al' Quran. With tafsiran in it. :D

I went home with baby to put my luggage and all. Along the way, he stared at me and grabbed my face in a weird manner. Hugged me like I've been kidnapped before. Hahaha. Shall skip the part when I was at home. Hehe. We went out again to have dinner at RK. Finally, some good food that I'll say, safe to eat. When I get back home, I pretty slept all the way.

All in all, I must say that coming back home is the best thing that happened to me in the past 10 days. Now that I'm home and holidays are here, let's take a break from everything else and spend more time on leisure activities. I can't wait to see baby again.

Ps/ For all the things we said, everything was gone the moment we saw each other. How miraculous.

Coming.

2011-11-30T04:05:00.001+08:00

I'm insiginificant. I'm worthless. I'm a liar. I'm a bitch. I bitch. I'm unimportant. I can be replaced. I'm the worst of all kinds. I'm unreasonable. I'm 'world'. I'm ridiculous. I'm not trustworthy. I'm unreliable. I'm unfaithful. I'm emotionless. I'm evil. I'm mean. I'm intolerant. I'm not understanding. I'm jinx. I'm a pain in others' ass. I'm a pest. I'm too clingy. I don't give people space. I'm too demanding. I'm dominating. I'm nonsensical. I'm merepek. I'm nothing good.

I'm nothing pleasant.

Prove me wrong because currently no one can. What has got into people that my life can be turned into a nightmare. One thing that I needed was someone to appreciate me. Someone to be grateful for how someone knows me. Someone who likes me just the way I am. Someone who doesn't insult me. Someone who loves me sincerely. Someone who doesn't contradict between love and disgust. Someone who is thankful for having me. Apparently, all I'm hearing are the negatives. I'm tired. Haha. I need love. Shower me love, please?

4 days.

2011-11-27T01:12:00.001+08:00

Probably the most vulnerable, destructible moment of my life.

I don't know what to do. May the lights guide us home.

11 Days.

2011-11-19T11:48:00.001+08:00

I'll be away from tomorrow onwards. I only have today to spend time with my loved ones. It's going to be 2 weeks plus. I'm uncertain if people are going to miss me back at home but I sure am going to miss my family, my bedroom and my boyfriend.

Yesterday, my boyfriend and I went to E!Hub after he was done with the Friday prayers. We weren't sure of what to watch so we ended up watching Immortals. It's as confusing as the Da Vinci Code. I don't know, maybe it has a lot of Greek myths instilled in the show. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the movie because I managed to spend some time with baby. I'd been around him very often lately, probably because I won't be around until December. :( It's sad to leave Singapore but I got to go anyway.

We were going into the theatre when baby suddenly told me that he had something for me. I was like:

"Hmm?"

He took it out and said,

"Nah, this is for you. You can get rid of the other one."

AHHHHHH HE BOY_SANGGUP.

He bought for me that! D; I'm more than grateful for that. I've been wanting a jacket of my own but he got it for me first! I'm so sorry for making you feel insecured because I keep wearing the other one. It wasn't because I want to keep a memory of it. I just liked the material. Guess what? This is so much better! Thank you so much baby, I'll bring this along to Indonesia I promise. <3

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA thanks to Yasmin :P

I'm going to miss you.

Opinionated.

2011-11-18T01:12:00.001+08:00

Before I turn in to bed, I'd like to say hi.

Hi, to all who exist in my life.

Well this is for each and every one of you, no exceptions whatsoever. If you guys ever come across this, that'll be great. It has been, all along about what you people think, how you people would feel, and how you people would say. I cared too much about what people would think of me, what kind of perception would they have of me. Would people hate me? Would I be talked about?

I've been spending way too long suck-ing up to people even though I really don't like the some of you. It's very simple why I chose to be pathetic and stay dumb all along. It's not about how I'm too nice to people. It's about how I want to avoid having any arguments with anybody. And all along, I thought I'm doing the right thing. Not until some of you guys don't really take me seriously. I get offended way too often by the things you guys do, you guys say. Just by telling me that I should do this and do that, it just tells me how stupid you are. It's my life, fuck? NOBODY has a say in it, you can give your opinions but don't expect me to listen to you. I can consider your thoughts and opinions. But considering doesn't mean I will agree in everything. I couldn't care less if you want to say harsh things to me, I can pretty take much of that. I'll be intolerant of those who insult the people I'm close to. Be it anybody that I care about. Why are you people so horrible?

It has always been:

"Oh you should do ______ because you wouldn't want to upset _______."

"You have to stand up for your rights because if you don't, it'll affect ____."

"You're always thinking about ______, what about ________?"

"Stop thinking of _________ already, you don't have any balance!"

Guess what guys? In all of those blanks there, none of them can fit in with my name. Because people are busy thinking about themselves, their own happiness. Because you guys are self-willed. Now let me ask you.

What are you guys doing to make things better for me? By telling me about your life story? Hahaha good to know.

Even if today, right now, I say that I really need help from anyone who is able to support me from the back, be my back-up, would anyone ever be? Haha. And by support I mean, motivate me, give me hopes and have constant faith in me, believe in me, trust me, love me for who I am - just by doing those, you're the most wonderful person ever. I don't expect wonderful actions, huge steps to make me feel good. I just need positive gestures. Sometimes a 7-word sentence can be formed just to make my day. Why wouldn't it be possible for you guys?

This life of mine has been infested with many terrible people. It's making me feel terrible, it made me a terrible person as well.

Screw you.

Breakaway.

2011-11-16T23:52:00.001+08:00

2 more days of school and I'm done for this year.

I'm halfway through packing for my Indonesia trip this coming Sunday. To be honest, I'm actually half-hearted to go for the trip. Ain't too sure why but suddenly I just prefer to stay at home where my family is and of course my boyfriend. I've never been away from home for more than 3 days I suppose. Not that I could think of any occasions that brought me away from home for more than that duration. I've no idea how is it going to be like. Just myself with a large group of friends, going away. Well, I can't deny that it's going to be a fun filled experience for me since I've never been to Indonesia before. I just have this feeling that I would get bored. Hahha. Nevertheless, I'll try my best to enjoy myself and will try my best to keep in contact with baby, every single night.

I've been spending time with baby almost every single day these days. I feel so good I'm becoming too reliant on him to make my day. I'm pretty sure there's more than just that to make a day a good one. But I doubt so... teehee. So we hang out and had pleasant long walks. Talked more than usual. I mean, considering that we always have something to talk about. I just chillax with baby yesterday at Macs til dark. It was cute. I'll be going to school with him later on. Will also be spending time with him on Friday. Might be the same for Saturday, we shall see. If these plans won't work out then it's okay. I'm really hoping that baby would be able to stay with me throughout the night on Sunday and just chill before I leave for approx 2 weeks plus. I'll be, probably, available online if there's wifi. Higher chances of having it around so yeap!

When I get back, there's going to be Breaking Dawn how exciting! I can't wait for that as this will be the last movie of the whole saga. It's sad when I think about how Harry Potter had ended and now it's Twilight saga. It has been years and things have changed here and there. There's chalets coming in December. I'm hoping that I could be with baby for New Year's eve, just like how I was with him last year. I still remember every single occurrence. It's just too memorable for me to forget. The waiting, the countdown, the fireworks, the wish and the xoxs. Because he was around I learnt what's the meaning of perseverence, patience and struggles. And also how does it feels like to persist and keep going. Well, there's much more to say eventually about ushering the new year. I'll keep that for upcoming posts. That's about it I guess.

Despite the tensions and all, I do feel the best when I'm around baby and just spend time together. Before I even leave, I want to say that I can't wait to get back because holiday's around the corner. That means more studying to do and more time with baby yeepee.

P.s/ Night strolls are the best when it's with you.

P.p.s/ Baby, hallu. Please my dearest don't worry so much I'll take care of myself and will keep you updated! I love you so much there's no way I'm going to let you down on purpose..

The High Road.

2011-11-15T22:04:00.001+08:00

There's been too many things happening around me AND to me lately that I just can't seem to keep up with everything. I'm recuperating from the sadness that I've felt for quite some time. Too many things to think about, too many bad days. I'm trying my best to look on the brighter side of everything but sometimes you just can't because you can't think of anything positive about what happened. Arguments and bickering have become normal to me and I'm pretty immune to such things now. I just strongly believe that there's always be a rainbow after a rain. And it applies to what occurred to me just now. Time is precious and I'd do just about anything to spend it well. By well I mean with you... We can't run away from one another because I know at the end of the day we do need each other. I'm really looking forward to spend some time with you tomorrow. I'd say Hi to Tommy if it's still alive.

And so people are done with their N/O Levels. Most of them are having fun, claiming to be having the time of their life. The sense of achievement they're feeling now... I wish I could turn back in time and feel the same way. Just about a year ago. Because after today, I feel nothing about achievements. Today's the results day for promotion to J2. Today itself I've learnt that you can be the one who has been promoted, yes you would feel victorious but all of that will just be nothingness when there's people you cherish can't feel the same way you do. When there's people tearing in disappointment, you just feel helpless because there's really nothing you can do to help. Except for giving words of encouragement. And I hate it when we have to give goodbye hugs. I mean come on, it's NOT a goodbye guys. Stop making people feel even sadder than they already are. It really isn't a goodbye. We're still going to hang out and spend time together like we usually do. We're still going to stay together as a pact. Nothing's going to change, well at least, the bond that we've created won't.

I know I shouldn't say much because I don't really spend a lot of time with my friends. I'm always in my own personal world. But honestly, I still care because one way or another, you guys have been around me in school keeping me company.

My warmest regards going out to those who were going to JC1.5. It's not a disappointment, it really isn't. It is a great opportunity for you to excel. I'm not disappointed at any of my friends. They have tried their best and my friends are the most hardworking lot. They made me feel like a lazy bum so yeah...

Keep on keepin' on xxx.

P.s/ CAN I NOT LEAVE FOR INDONESIA ON SUNDAY I'M RELUCTANT TO GOOO.

Hey Monday.

2011-11-14T02:46:00.001+08:00

I just finished playing Sims 3.

I had a talk with mum which I wanted to share it with baby but forget about it.

I'm hurt for words are as sharp as a dagger.

I'm sad because deep inside I'm disappointed.

I'm disappointed because I know it's always repeating and will never stop.

I'm feeling helpless because I've nowhere to go and no one to talk to.

I'm lonely because at the end of each and every day I realise that I'm completely alone.

I finally realise the difference in meaning of a friend and a companion.

I'm tired of sucking up to people.

I'm tired of facing insincerity.

I'm tired of fighting with ego and rage.

I'm sick of crying at night when everybody is asleep, especially those who emotionally/mentally hurt me.

I'm amazed by how people can ignore pain.

I'm jealous of how some are not affected by hurtful things that happened.

I'm out of people to share my thoughts and feelings with at ease.

I'm lost by the ever changing emotions of people around me.

I'm tired of being pushed around like a puppy.

I miss being treated like someone important, or was it just a dream?

I wish I was Sid and you're Nancy.

I wish someone feels me.

I wish someone can look at me and say "Things will be okay."

"Good days awaits you."

Gone were the times I could listen to "You can come to me."

Pardon me, those were just plain meaningless expressions that I feel the need to let them out.

I'm just having a bad mornight.

And it's not just any ordinary bad mornight.

It's a day that changes things.

A lot.

At this point of time, if only I could hear those words I need to hear, maybe it can save myself from being in agony. But like I've said, expectations would eventually lead to disappointments.

This is reality, and reality tells me that I'm unhappy. There goes my Monday.

Double Trouble.

2011-11-13T17:01:00.001+08:00

Saturday was a complete disaster. I woke up at 1:30pm when I actually had to be in school in the morning to collect my I&R. Since it's a Saturday, school closes at 3:00pm. Oh wait, I'm not sure about that but that's not the point of my concern. It was raining sheeps and cows outside alongside with thunderstorms. I had to travel all the way to Tampines Junior College all by myself. On a Saturday. I swear I felt pathetic. I was frantic when I saw that there wasn't any way for me to get upstairs because the staircases were all locked. I'm like whadafuq o.o Had some panic attack, caught up in some bimbotic moment and well I was lucky enough to have an attendant who opened the gates for me. I've gotten my I&R, editted that piece of crap and the rest of my Saturday shall be a history.

It was a boring stay-at-home Saturday so I've nothing much going on.

Plus, there wasn't any interesting shows on tv. Whassap with that.

Here I am, spending my Sunday at home. Did laundry, rot. Online, rot. That's all I do. Oh my, this tapioca chips are awesome!

Heh, by the way, baby had soccer in the morning. Half time's score was 6-2? Baby's team was leading so I guess they won. Hahaha. I would love to watch baby playing soccer soon. Not that I've not but well, that's what he enjoys and I pretty like to be around him. Like a pet. Or a pest. The fact that soccer = baby hanging out with guys make me prefer that as compared to him umm doing anything else that involves girls. LOL. Even though that it might be a huge turn off to have him playing soccer instead of spending time with me at times but I guess it's fair as I've my own things to do. I think. Like right now I'm eating well that just shows I'm busy.

I've school tomorrow. From 9:ooam to 1o:ooam. To hand up my I&R. That's all. Can you feel my frustration? Sigh. Well, that's okay because I've some rehearsal for Indon trip's performance at noon. Hope it won't drag because mum expects me to be home early tomorrow. The PUB dudes are coming to install thimbles... Right.

P.s/ Baby and I are coming up with something interesting. Hmm, working on it. ;)

Watch over Me.

2011-11-12T00:25:00.001+08:00

"And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
And it takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished"

-Jason Mraz, Life is Wonderful

If you take some time to reflect on what you've done in 2011, you'll either feel that you've actually wasted your time or you've made full use of it. Either way, I think 2011 has been a pretty bittersweet year for me. Even though it's only November and it's not the end of the year yet, workload seems to die down a little bit and holidays are coming so this is it I guess. As I've nothing much to do since OP is over, I've plenty of time of think about things in life that I've missed or have been missing. It takes time to realise what have you lost and what have you gained. From all of the thinking, I feel that I have everything that I need, it's just that I don't see it at times when I'm down. I don't realise how blessed I am despite those bad days that I had throughout the year. I would even say that no matter how bad situations were this year, I feel much better as compared to how I felt last year. Maybe I've found serenity. Maybe.

Nuff said. Time for updates. :) Well, yesterday, Friday the 11th, I went to school for some MCS Jawatankuasa meeting with a teacher of mine. Talked about the upcoming school events that we're going to have next year, how to manage it and so on. A lot of things to do, a lot of work. Tremendous effort need to put in. Needless to say, next year's my final year in college and I'll be sitting for my A Level's too. So I'm not too confident on having a smooth year ahead but I'm hoping for the best. Right after the meeting, I headed back to Hougang where I met baby for lunner (lunch+dinner). Spent some time at RK. After we finished our meal, we met baby's mum who happened to drop by to hang out with her friends. Yasmin was away in Malacca for 2 days and she just got back home yesterday. I accompanied baby to fetch his sister from school and so did his mum. Yasmin had 3 people fetching her from school just now hehe. Heard she got a gift for both baby and I, how sweet of her xxx

I had a super cute day yesterday. I really enjoyed myself being with baby, and trust me dear, you've no idea how much I enjoy having long walks with you. We should do that more often. Speaking of which, I feel the need to have a picnic sometime soon. Either with the girls or with baby. It has been quite some time since I get the chance to chill by the coast.

Til then, have a great weekend!

P.s/ I've to travel to Tamp again today all by myself just to take stupid I&R which I forgot to take yesterday. Ahhh this is insane. :(

A Moment, A Love.

2011-11-11T02:07:00.001+08:00

Some people say that expectations would eventually lead to disappointments. Well, let me tell you, the movie 500 Days of Summer taught me a lot about NOT to put our hopes up too high. There are certain things in life that we can't achieve. There's going to be times when things just won't go the way as you've planned. Too often, don't you think? To me, as long as you have faith, nothing's impossible. And if things don't work out for you, maybe not then. Maybe in the future? Nevertheless, we musn't stop trying to achieve what we expect for ourselves. Because in the end, we're all trying to be happy. How do you measure happiness, exactly?

Expect little in life, you'll be happier that way. Be satisfied with what you have now, that's the key to being content.

Spent time with my sweetheart yesterday. We headed off to The Cathay to watch Tower Heist, an unexpectingly a good show I must say. I'd rate it 4.5/5. 0.5 was gone due to the draggy start of the show. But overall, it's worth it. The both of us were laughing throughout the movie. I find the movie quite long by the way. I had to change my sitting positions every now and then. I had a whole lot of fun. Fun isn't the right word to describe how I think of yesterday but oh well. Baby knows the best ;) I just love the quality time that we had, talking, staring at each other, laughing, tearing and so on. There's always something special about your partner, that sets him/her apart from the rest. As for me, my boyfriend has his own way to make me feel good about myself and being with him. Good times are not hard to come by but we musn't take advantage of it. When there's no argument getting in the way, treasure the times you have with your partner. It makes you happier. :D

Love you, Mzkr xxx

Doves.

2011-11-10T05:16:00.000+08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, may I proudly announce to you that I've officially completed my OP for A Levels, the greatest fear of all. It was alright, I guess. My group's slot was at 1o.3oam, so I had the opportunity to watch the previous groups' presentations. Before us, there were 2 other groups. They had their strengths and limitations, that's fine. I guess my group had our own flaws too. I don't want to brag about how proud I am towards my team mates and how well we did just now, I just have to say that having sufficient amount of practice for any presentation helps a lot. Be it memorising your script, knowing how to engage with the audience, have a consistent pace when you're talking, having confidence in yourself, be loud/clear, have good articulation and the list goes on. The list of criteria needed to get a good grade for OP isn't that exhaustive. Nevertheless, it's not the criteria that bothers me, nor the rubrics. It's the expectations. Q&A was a little shaky, but I hope I did just fine. Overall, it was a great experience, of having a super formal presentation.

Not too long after my presentation, I headed off to Whitesands with the girls. Had a short lunch at BK and headed back to school. Along the way we kind of planned to hang out sometime soon, to celebrate the end of PW - the miserable piece of shit.

My PW teacher gave us all a short and sweet text message on how proud she is of us. Gives me a sense of achievement, you know?

TP108 ;)

Baby was done with school pretty early yesterday.

He didn't have afternoon lessons so we went home together. I'm very concerned about his allergy. It's very annoying when you can't do anything to help? I feel so horrible. The key to alleviation of allergy is to basically prevent yourself from consuming what you're not supposed to. On the other hand, I sympathise my dear boyfriend, who really want to eat prawns and crabs. Sigh. I just hope that the irritation will subside anytime soon. What's worst? Out of all the places that can get the irritation, it's his lips. IT FREAKING ANNOYS ME. Hahaha! It's funny though, when he often come up to me and say, "B, my lips itchy, help me please?" And I'm like, "What you want me to do?" He only gives me the kinky smile then. Constantly wanting my full attention. That's a good thing of course. People should take a look at his face when he feels disgusted about girls seeking for attention. He really has the most classic digusted expression ever. :3

I'll be heading to Tamp today... Meeting baby, hopefully he's going to feel much much better. Probably we'll be watching a movie, if plan backfires us, we shall just spend some time together before heading home. It's always exciting to meet him! No matter how I'm feeling! I love you xxx

Aha, I, as a superwoman, spent some time off with my brother as promised. It was funny. We got ourselves yogurt from Yoguru, you know with mochi and granola toppings. I loooove mochi, so chewy like... Okay nevermind HAHA. I fed my brother okay, how nice of me :P I had fun, though I was super tired.

Heading to bed now, it's like 5.15am? Trololol.

I told you, my sleeping disorder suck. I'm awake when everybody else's asleep. This has to stop. Well, good day everyone!

A Moment Like This.

2011-11-09T00:46:00.000+08:00

So this is it.

The moment I've been waiting for since forever.

Today is de'day that the accessors will be watching my presentation that lasts for 25 minutes. It's terrifying, I'm trembling. I can't help myself from being nervous. Oh my. 10.30am. No. I. Just. Can't.

After today, PW doesn't exist anymore. Hoorah! Well, maybe not officially because there's still I&R to do but hey, the bulk of this whole thing is on WR and OP. I guess it'll be much of a huge relief to let go of the two things I've mentioned. I have this major fear of OP because I've to speak and answer questions. Nevertheless, I'm really looking forward to the end of everything because I've gone through this far and I deserve a pat on the shoulder. ^^ So my year 1 in college is ending. A couple of weeks more to go? Probably. The Year 2 students are currently sitting for their A Levels. Exactly a year from now, it'll be my turn, insyaallah. I don't know how's the journey going to be like. I just hope for a smooth one and pray for strength to go through each and every day.

Spent some time with baby yesterday. Poor little boy is down with flu and mild fever. Hope he's going to get well soon. I really need you to stay healthy because good health = happiness! We watched 23:59, this local horror movie at EHub. Had lunch at my favourite fast food restaurant. The show is moderate I guess. For a pussy like me, well yeah I was covering my face, my ears and every other senses that I have while watching the show. Okay maybe not my nose or I'll be dead by now. I'd rate it 3/5. Looking forward to watch The Three Musketeers, if I've the chance to.

Moving on, as I am a good sister (not really), I am going to spend some time with the lil one in my family today. I sympathise him when he told me he's bored at home. Eventually, he asked me out, in a sad, gloomy voice - afraid of offending me. I'm guessing he's afraid of being rejected because I'm always busy. I said ok, maybe we shall hang out after school. Head to Nexx, get some yogurt and chill at the skypark. Wonder how it'll go. I seldom spend time with my brother as compared to my elder sister, which is pretty sad. So, there you go. That's what I'm going to do today.

School's off on Thursday and Friday.

Shall make plans to do something worthwhile.

Have a great time ahead xx

Infatuation?

2011-11-08T04:43:00.002+08:00

Holding on to whatever that's left of me.

It wasn't just an ordinary day yesterday. It was a day that taught me how to live with emotional wreck, communication breakdown and handle anger. You can't make situations better when you still have anger in you. You can't think rationally. You speak illogically. You'll just going to be completely unreasonable. And trust me, you won't notice all of those, not until you come to your senses and realise it. I had a tough time, battling with the negatives. Insult after insult, you just feel like the world is turning against you. It brought my self-esteem down, as low as it can be. On the other hand, I'm hurting people too, unintentionally. You see, in an argument or so, it takes two people to make things worse or better. Thus, I can't blame the other party for making me feel shitty and vice versa.

In the end, you just have got to use your brain to think. How and why the argument occurred. There's no point in thinking who started it, it won't make things better - no. In a messy situation, you tend to walk away. And as for me, I can't help myself from turning BACK. I just can't walk away without reversing. Haha, I just don't give up. Call me stubborn, whatever. I could use that as an advantage to myself.

Words and hearts should be handled with care, for words when spoken and hearts when broken are the hardest things to repair.

I'm hoping that this time, we'll work.

Salam Aidil'Adha.

2011-11-07T00:39:00.001+08:00

Hello to all!

Hope everyone is in good health and having a great weekend so far. There's still Monday so hush people, there's still time to gear up for a brand new week ahead! I only have to come back to school on Wednesday for OP exam so I pretty don't have much to complain about.

Anyway, I woke up late yesterday. And by late, I mean around noon. I thought I was being left by my family because we were supposed to visit my aunty first thing in the morning. Fortunately, we went out in the evening so I had plenty of time to just chill with my sister, watching X-Men. She fell asleep halfway, thus the tv watched her instead of otherwise. In any case, I went to a house only, didn't do much visiting I must say. I ate 2 full plates of nasi minyak and I was the only one in my family who ate a lot. So I had chicken, spicy black pepper prawn, curry beef and numerous puteri salad for dessert. Thereafter, my mum dropped by a bakery to get some cheese bun. She just had to ask me what I wanted and I straight away took a donut and a cake for myself TEEHEE. I still have the cake to eat, well...

Fat kids are happy. Hmm most? I guess. Because we don't care what the world thinks of us. We eat what we want and we satisfy our cravings. No diet whatsoever. I don't believe in dieting. If I need to slim down a little bit, I'll just go for a regular run. Plus, with P.E in school, who could have possibly be obese man? Fat maybe but obese? Doubt so. The teachers in my school train us like we're going for some boot camp. Heh. So my point exactly is, I feel happy yesterday because I ate a lot. :D Look at how far I digressed.. NYET.

Baby went to his grandparents' house yesterday. One of which is near to my aunty's house ^^ I bet he ate a lot too. When I was at home still, he already told me that he's waiting impatiently for his grandma's powerful chilli prawns. So, I think our tummy grew bigger after yesterday.

All of those glorious food made me feel victorious today. HAHA!

Might be meeting baby today because he asked me out. Whee! I'm going to make an excuse to spend some time with him.

Until then, I'm done for now. Have a great rest and eat more today!

P.s/ In times of an argument, we tend to say harsh things to one another. But I'll never know, if those harsh things being said to me were from the heart or was just an act of impulse. Because honestly, I have never once did, tried to hurt someone I love on purpose. There must be a reason for everything...

So cold.

2011-11-06T04:52:00.000+08:00

On this cold cold night, I'd just like to say that the worst thing I have ever heard in my life so far is that I've fucked someone's life. And that's going to stay with me for as long as my brain works. Because it didn't came from someone who were in my life. It's from someone who's in my life.

Thank you for all the pain you've inflicted upon me.

I guess I need to be more harsh with my words, no?

One word.

2011-11-05T21:50:00.001+08:00

Fuck.

Go fuck yourself. I'm done being hungry in this house. You guys just don't feed me well. I'm your fucking daughter for goodness sake. You don't even cook. Thanks ah. I feel like I'm some kind of a prisoner of war living in some camp. You want me to be independent? Fine. Take a fucking look at your kitchen. There's not even basic ingredients for me to cook something for myself. What are we? Fucking poor? If I have the authority to turn my brother into a skinned animal, I would right now.

So we hit the boulevard.

2011-11-05T01:49:00.000+08:00

Where shall I start?

Morning. One word: Awesome. I woke up just in time to greet my loved one who came over just to spend time with me. He brought some snacks and drinks to fill our tummy. We were about to watch Final Destination and the vcd just had to screw up. Okay maybe it wasn't the vcd but the dvd player. Whatever it is, we weren't suppose to spend a lot of time at home. However... we left home quite late. Heh. Baby and I headed off to ICA as I've to collect my brand new passport. Yeepee yay! Finally, having to go to Indonesia makes more sense with an updated passport. Hahaha. Thereafter, we went to Downtown East, hoping to watch a movie or so. The Three Musketeers? 23:59? Lion King? Unfortunately, we didn't. Instead, we had our brunch at Magic Wok. It's pretty pathetic how I've never tried the food there. Guess it was an experience. Had a tough time choosing the food because I wanted to eat almost all of the dishes in the menu. Fried wanton is delisioso~

I love the quality time that we had by the beach.

And I mean quality quality. We had a good talk... Great laughter. I tried to carry baby which failed and we were making fun of silly things. Can't stop laughing. Serious. He loves to sing songs which he wasn't sure of the lyrics. It's just too funny. :B So anyway, it has been quite some time since I last spent time with baby by the beach. I miss the relaxing ambience of being by the beach. Taking a stroll, enjoying the breeze. Marine Parade, that shall be my next destination. Soon, I hope.

We decided to drop by to a friend's chalet whereby my boyfriend had the opportunity to hang out with my JC friends :D It was funny and well, I just had a great time with the people I'm always with in school. They're just cute. Plus, with baby around, I feel happier! While everyone else were barbequeing outside, the both of us were stuck in the room, laughing at people from Wipe Out. HAHA. Occasionally, we did made appearances outside to check up on my friends. The utmost fascinating moment was when we sat together and listen to my friends updating baby about what's happening. Had the laugh of my life.

All in all, a well spent day I must say. With all the bad things coming to an end, I really am looking forward to holidays. I just have to get over OP and I&R and I'm done with JC1. November 20th is coming and I swear I'm like torn in between - to go or not to go. Like as if I've a choice of going or not. But going on for a trip may sound like a sweet escape. On the other hand, I do not want to leave baby behind for almost two weeks. It's horrible to be without him /: Can't wait for November 30th. Shall spend the whole of my holidays wisely. And by wisely I mean with Mr Muzakkir :P Okay maybe not the whole holidays since I've to study. Hahahaha boring.

P.s/ Seems like everywhere I go I keep thinking of you. XOXO

What's New?

2011-11-03T00:35:00.001+08:00

“You are pooped and demoralised,” read Dwayne. “Why wouldn’t you be? Of course it is exhausting, having to reason all the time in a universe which wasn’t meant to be reasonable.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, Breakfast of Champions

This Friday night, do it all again.

2011-11-02T15:34:00.000+08:00

I officially have nothing to do. Well, currently. I'm done with OP dry run. Hmm it was alright but there are still room for improvement. Can't believe I was soft... I spoke louder than usual. I wouldn't want to shriek or something. If only I'm a loud person, that might help in OP. The Q&A section was horrendous. I can't answer questions for nuts. Especially when I haven't got a clue to what can the question be. My answer was so superficial, I feel stupid. On second thought, I'm thankful it was only a rehearsal for my actual exam. Okay moving on...

I can't wait for Friday because it's going to be a good day! After some rocky times I've been through recently, there's something to look forward to. There's interesting movies to watch these days. 23:59 seem to be a good scare. The Three Musketeers too, seem to be a nice show to watch. There's Orlando Bloom and Logan Lerman~ Sweet! ^^ Footloose, etc. But the most exciting person to meet will be Ahmad Al' Muzakkir! HAHA! I hope that the freaky incident which happened in your room the other night will die down soon. /: Don't be afraid, I'm here. If that's going to help. O.O

I shall now proceed on with my leisure activity that is to watch my all-time favourite Mind Your Language and That 70's Show sitcoms.

5 O'clock in the Morning.

2011-10-31T23:01:00.002+08:00

Recent MLEP photoshoot.

Things seem to be more hurtful than ever these days. I guess I just need to escape. For once, I'm pretty looking forward to leave the country.

Because I'm tired of listening to people who doesn't need my presence. Home doesn't seem to be like a shelter filled with love to me. School's a mess. Indeed, I've nowhere to go. And tonight, I just realised I've no one. Not seeking for sympathy but that's life isn't it? People don't need you, they'll just ask you to leave them and pretend nothing happened. Apologise thereafter. Sounds so simple. Forgiving isn't a difficult thing to do though. But putting everything behind is. In other words, going onward is tough.

I'm a complete mess.

Haha, I hear nothing but the negative sides of me all the time. I miss those times whereby people would lie and say how nice I am. Maybe I've changed after all. Maybe. When negative comments > positive comments, all the positiveness seem to drown. I don't know what to do with myself.

I live in constant fear.

Afraid of committing mistakes. Afraid of offending people. Getting offended in the end. Get stressed. Emotional wreck. Such a problematic girl I must admit. For the record, I have no one to talk to so thank goodness I've you. Makes me feel a little bit more better. While people can reject me, good shows like That's 70's Show wouldn't. So, I pretty think I'm getting immune to things right here.

Sweet weekend.

2011-10-30T15:50:00.002+08:00

I'm getting lazy to update my blog nowadays. Maybe it's because there's too many things to do that I can't find time to waste. Nevertheless, here I am. PW has been pissing me off lately especially when it comes to OP. Lack of preparation? Yes. Never put in effort? No. I'm just sick and tired of getting reprimanded by people around me. Well, of course there must be a reason to why I deserve to be shouted at. Come to think of it, it's a little too much to handle if there's so many people shouting at you within a day. For various reasons. I felt stupid alright. Thank goodness I'm done with that day.

Saturday was pretty awesome. Supposed to have a PW meeting but it was brought forward. So I met my prince over at his place and both of us headed to BK@CP. Had our lunch and decided to go to Queenstown to hunt for his soccer boots. We kind of diverted a little... He asked me to play some arcade games and I lost to him in a car race and I played photohunt (some lame spot the difference thing). Things seem to be kind of disappointing to me not until I played the Frog Game. The one with the hammer and you're supposed to knock them off back into their hole? HAHA. I won 29 tickets for that whee~ And exchanged it for 2 lollipops. It's pathetic but hey, some small achievement there!

City Hall was our final destination. That's where my prince bought his soccer boots, like finally. Mercurial boots. It's in orange and it looks damn nice. He calls it "babyboo". Now who am I again? /:

That's about it I guess. There's of course some minor details that happened throughout the journey that makes Saturday a sweet day.

And accompanying baby to book his FTT was super funny. Haiy, too many occurrence, I can't seem to keep track!

Tomorrow's my A Level Exam, exciting much? Thereafter I'll be schooling on Wednesdays until the 3rd week of November. I'll be elated when I'm officially done with OP. I can smell holiday's coming~

Pertabalan 2011.

2011-10-26T22:37:00.001+08:00

The invitation is damn nice and so cool ^^

We got ourselves a post in Jawatankuasa MCS!

Our seniors gave each of us a ring that represents Kayangan Lestari~

Graduated from Tampines Junior College: Fariza, Rosiani, Shilah.

Some of the malay dancers who attended the event.

The girl who goes to school with me in the morning :D

There you go, a sneak peek of Pertabalan 2011. It was rather a bittersweet farewell for all of my seniors in Malay Cultural Society. Pretty sad I must say, knowing that the previous batch was quite welcoming and all. Majority were nice to me, some others I wasn't that close with so I'm not so sure about them. Nevertheless, they're off for their A Levels now and my team and I are the ones stepping up to take charge of MCS! Woohoo~ This has got to be exciting because there's so many exciting events coming right up. To mention one, it'll be Fiesta Seni followed by the anticipated and well-known Manifestasi. Enough said, I have tons of work to do.

Here's a picture of my schedule:

27th October - Due date of WR

31st October - A Levels H1 Malay examination

2nd November - OP dry run

9th November - OP examination

15th November - Promotion day

20th November - Off to Solo/Yogyakarta, Indonesia

30th November - Back in Singapore.

Must. Watch. Breaking. Dawn. With. Baby.

P.s/ Praises to Allah s.w.t for making me meet the promotion criteria. Hoping for a confirmed promotion to J2 so I'm able to sit for A Levels next year. Amin.

P.p.s/ I love my bebe <3 See you in the morning, we shall have a big breakfast before the start of a draggy Thursday~

Happy Anniversary me love!

2011-10-24T02:37:00.002+08:00

Apparently, there's so many things to say so this has got to be an exhaustive post. I ain't sure on where to start but I'll try to be as explicit as I can. First foremost, I was up late on a very important day which was last Saturday because baby and I were supposed to be out the whole day to celebrate our anniversary. I rushed like a mad cow, getting ready for the whole exciting day that I've been looking forward to since forever. I met baby around 11am and we headed to the his void deck to cut the awesome cake that I brought for him! Having said that, candle was lit, blew it off together and I cut the cake for the both of us. We managed to eat a piece of it before we headed off to baby's place for some photo taking session. Talked to Yasmin for awhile, managed to catch up with her a little bit. Well, she's pretty anxious about her PSLE results but I've the confidence that she'll do great. She's just going to be as successful as her sister ;)

So here comes the journey.

When photos were taken, cake was cut and some were spared for my sympathetical sister and her man, we headed off to Dhoby Ghaut, hoping to experience some nice pancakes at Strictly Pancakes. However, we were caught in the rain and hell yeah we were stuck for quite awhile before deciding to head to Orchard for our movie. It's a pity but there's always another day for that! Moving on, we went to the Shaw House to catch Paranormal Activity 3. I swear it was a damn terrifying show. I screamt at almost every scene -.- It was so stressful watching it, even baby said so. Hahaha. Nevertheless, it was a sweet experience, watching horror movie with baby. Not that it was my first time with baby, but seriously, the theatre was freaking big. Thereafter, the both of us were damn hungry so we went as planned. Seoul Garden! Whee~ Ate like we both haven't ate before. Spent a solid of 2 hours at Taka! (Y) Once we were full, we had some 'Opening of Gifts' session whereby baby and I, we sort of exchanged some gifts or rather tokens for one another. Spent ages thinking what to give him. Like finally! After having Seoul Garden, biarlah rahsia. HAHAHA.

The real event starts when we headed off to Harbourfront to meet the other pair. All of us walked to USS and I had the time of my life! Halloween at USS was totally awesome. Just amazing... I can't stop thinking about it. The experience of being there, being with baby, surrounded by eerie places, scary people. The Pestilence and Peranakan House were sdkjfnjkdndnfs scary. I wouldn't want to imagine anything nor do I want to recall any thing I saw. It's just horrible. Hahaha. I screamt and held on to baby all the time. Closed my eyes and I teared/cried occasionally. Hope nobody noticed that... LOL. The set-up was super professional! I must compliment it. I don't know why, but I took a rollercoaster which was a hellova ride. It was one of the scariest rides anyone in Singapore can ever ride, locally. It's the Human, next scariest to Cyclone. What the freaking crap I thought I was about to commit suicide! A few seconds seem like an hour to me, I will never want to ride it again! Maybe I just can't take the thrill or something but seriously, no way am I going to do that again. -.- Mummy ride was fine, not as bad as Human. Zzz. Baby had fun throughout the rides, laughing and saying 'Woohoo'. I have no idea how some people can be so brave. Err.

I must say that I can't describe how much fun I had with baby. Neither could he. And I can picture those moments we had together, but I just can't translate the pictorials into words. It's just unexplainable and the experience is beyond words. I'm so in love with last Saturday. Wish I could stay in that moment, wish time stops whenever I'm having fun. Oh before I forget, after the whole Halloween experience ended, we got some food from USS and took NR6 home. It was a looooong ride. Supposed to be a sweet and romantic ride but the both of us were giddy after all those rides. So I was concerned about baby's condition more than anything. /:

That's about it I guess, my anniversary celebration. In summary, it was a sweet, memorable, funny, romantic, lovely, spectacular experience ever.

I love Ahmad Al' Muzakkir and will always do.

Through the hardships that we went through together, your presence and your love is all I need. I'll pull through anything, and will make sure we're going to be just fine. And I know you're worth everything I am.

I hope our relationship will be blessed with a bright future ahead of us.

Baby so handsome here, like extra handsome! HAHA!

My gift for baby!

A card written by him <3

We looked shagged here because this was the last photo we took before we left.

XOXO.

Ps/ More photos on Facebook soon. And all the very best to all O Level candidates!

22nd October 2011

2011-10-23T19:53:00.001+08:00

Exciting updates soon!

22nd October 2011 was a brilliant day except some stuff that happened when I got home hahaha. Overall, I love yesterday and I'm going to love tomorrow.

However, no promises about the kind of results I'm going to get tomorrow morning that would eventually change my emotions. As for now, I'll bertawakal.

Iris.

2011-10-22T01:26:00.002+08:00

At 1.18am on a Saturday morning, I'm feeling awkward and weird.

Since I can't feel anything right now, it's best to sleep it off. Just like how I usually do.

We should all just anticipate for the upcoming day ahead and as for now we shall stone and lean back.

Putting on a facade.

2011-10-19T02:48:00.002+08:00

This isn't just a coincidence. It's fate.

Twenty Three Skidoo.

2011-10-19T01:33:00.001+08:00

They have some nice effects... haha so bored nowadays like there's nothing better to do when there actually is.

Well, just another day in school.

Had my presentation today and it's not even Meeting Expectation.

Bought stuff for Pertabalan event this coming Friday.

It has been a pretty hectic week. Had some bad times here and there since Sunday. Weekends have got to be better than these weekdays I'm having because honestly, I don't have much strength to face people and some other issues day by day. On a brighter note, I'm getting more and more rest. Nevertheless, I doubt it's going to be for long.

"Qualify your assumptions before people can counter-attack your statements."

I'll always bear that in mind. Maybe that's how GP comes in handy, applicable to real-life situations. Probably this is why I know how to form arguments. Arguments. Life without arguments is like eating without utensils. You can still make do without it but you still have it around for some reason. Or rather, excuses. Excuses like our hands would be dirty. Haha. Just like arguments, when we can make do without it, why do we still have it? Spice up our lives? Not quite you know. Some might agree, others might not.. Food for thought.

What a Drag.

2011-10-18T01:48:00.002+08:00

She's adorable, isn't she? :')

My favourite bunny, beloved Sophie. She's so fluffy I can cry. Hahaha. While I'm having fun playing with Sophie, I must say that yesterday wasn't a bad day after all. The fact that I got to have my egg thosai in the morning right after assembly, totally made my day. I had 2 of them by the way. I swear I'm growing bigger in size. Hmm. Thereafter I received good news about my promo results for Malay Literature. Got a freaking B! Alhamdulillah! So grateful for that. Though it's not an A, B is the next best grade right? ^^ Plus, it's MALAY LITERATURE. HAHAHA. Wrote 14 pages of crap and it's worth it! PW was a drag. Can't believe I sat still for 3 hours doing powerpoint slides and preparing for presentation. Hell yeah, I have OP today. Goodness gracious.

I met baby after a long meeting with the MCS people pertaining to Friday's Pertabalan for our seniors. I was happy beyond words when I saw him.. Not to mention when we talked, laughed and I screamt "I LARV YO!" like a monster when it's time to go home. Haha! Accompanied baby to a few places to get his stuff. Headed to RK to get my dinner, well that's all actually.

I gotta head to bed, going to school with my beloved mangosteam.

Good morning bbyKir<3

I'm a freak.

2011-10-17T04:18:00.003+08:00

I think I have sleeping disorder. I can't sleep almost every night. The probability of having me stay awake past 3am on a night is definitely more than half. As for today, it's 4.15am and I pretty do not care that I've school later. I feel screwed alright. I wish I could be just like a normal person, like majority of those people out there. When it's time, you feel sleepy and you will go to sleep. But me? On normal days when everything's fine I do have difficulty sleeping. On those days things screwed up for me, I can just forget about sleeping. The only thing that annoys me when I can't go to sleep is when I have nothing to do, and I'm out of ideas on what to do. It's crazy, so can I like switch lives with people who have at least 4 hours of sleep? Because the duration of my sleep is absolutely and undeniably pathetic.

Reasons and excuses.

2011-10-17T00:36:00.002+08:00

This movie is terrifyingly funny. I'm not being sarcastic but my sis kinda borrowed the DVD and I watched it multiple times. A comedy which tickles me and kills me on the inside as well.

One of a Kind.

2011-10-16T02:40:00.000+08:00

Uhuh, you know what it is~ Hehehe this is going to be the sweetest! :')

I'm the spoiled brat and he's the side kick HAHA.

Alahai so cute this mangosteen..

Basically, woke up late because I felt lethargic and I just can't seem to get out of bed. I rushed to meet baby because I promised him that I'll accompany him get his stuff for next weekend! The weather was unbearable, I kept complaining. I bet baby was annoyed. Walked around and we walked quite a distance. Though it was quite a tiring day, I got to indulge in some Fried Mars Balls! Like whoa you have no idea how much I miss it. Thank you dear for the upsize HAHA :')

All in all, we had a crazy time. I thought I was going to die laughing. And we meet an old friend somewhere along the way!

Baby finally purchased a pair of Sperry shoes! And he got ourselves something special... which is with him now. More updates soon!

For now, I shall anticipate the upcoming obstacles I'm going to face this week. Oh well. Good Sunday!

Let's Spend the Night Together.

2011-10-15T02:28:00.003+08:00

Thanks HY for having lunch with me yesterday!

To sum up some things, I would say the day was alright although I was down with a mild fever and flu. Headed down to Paya Lebar for lunch with friends. Didn't do it for fun though. It was for a Malay project. Yeah, Malay Language is a significant subject according to my subject combination. Do not underestimate the importance of language. Hahaha. Anyway, PW is not over yet. I've to still work on it, day and night. It's getting on my nerves but I'm not alone. The rest of JC1s are facing the same shet so yeah!

Sometimes, I wonder where did my positivity came from. Like out of the sudden. Weird, you know?

Well, I met baby after I was done with my project. Meeting baby definitely made my day. He tortured me today, ironically. But that's okay, I still love him hehe. I had an endless walk from Esplanade station to Raffles City. The moment I saw baby, my legs weakened a little bit. :B He said, "Hehe fated!" and well, the spotlight was on him and I swear I can't focus on what's happening around me HAHA. We hang out for awhile and it was fun. Knowing that I'll be meeting him again today just makes me tickle~ We'll be getting his stuff for next weekend. Please please would you get your shoe later? /: You know 22nd is gonna be the most awesome day ever! I can't wait I can't wait. Plus, I've something so special to put on from that day onwards... ;) I've no high hopes for an extravagant celebration or anything. Looking at how things are right now, I think it IS something big for the both of us. I'm just looking forward to spend the weekend with you! <3

Having said that, I need to create a new passport tomorrow morning. Since I don't have much time left, and I've to travel soon, I really need to get this settled.

For now, I shall have some rest before lessons resume on Monday.

Hell.

HEHEHEHE.

You have no idea how fat I've grown.

P.s/ We shall do the things we do, because they don't know what we're up to. Let's not bother about the world, baby I'm right here with you.

The unforgotten.

2011-10-14T04:41:00.000+08:00

A year ago?

Yeah probably. Wonder who was he referring to :/

I'm still sick and I can't sleeeeep. Have been watching That 7o's Show like an episode after the other. I think Fez is really cute.

I feel the need to get out and get for myself breakfast. So hungry.

No Es Amor.

2011-10-13T03:05:00.001+08:00

I was watching Scream the other day and baby watched me through Skype. I think it's just amazing how we could speak to each other like we're on the phone and get to see each other simultaneously. It's just sweet how he would make faces at me and give me his kinky smile hahaha! He even made me sing, how embarrassing can that be. :o In any case, I had a bittersweet time with baby on Tuesday.. Went to school with him yesterday, fetch him from Tampines after his soccer training and he's fetching me today! We're fetching each other like we're some kind of dogs. Is there a better word other than to use fetch? Oh well. :>

Currently, I'm down with flu and a baaaad sorethroat. It's just killing me how I need to do work when I'm unwell. Feel like collapsing at times. And the feeling of being sick is just annoying when everything doesn't seem to be right for you. Agitation occurs and you just feel like shoving people away. And then I'll tend to hurt people's feelings. /: So people, don't fall sick. It's just an excuse to get a way from people. Hahaha but it's sad to stay away from your loved ones.

And have I mentioned anything about the upcoming 24th October? ;> It's going to be a special day for me, for baby. I'll be going for Halloween @ USS on the 22nd! How exciting is that?! I can't wait for the next week to be over because I can sense some madness stress ahead. With my condition like this, I doubt I have the strength to go through a week of hell. Being around baby helps a lot. Even though I tend to screw things up all the time. Hope I won't.

And I had a fun time with my friends just now. More updates soon.

xoxo

Masters of the Scene.

2011-10-10T23:17:00.004+08:00

I'm done with Promotional Examination like technically!

Life's good now that I only have 2 subjects to think about. Malay and PW. Awesome. I'm super lovin' the post promos timetable. Not to drift away so much because results will only be out on the 16th of November. Not looking forward to that. :x Well, unless I'm so sure of doing well. Hahaha.

And so it's Tuesday. Having a week off from school. Will only be returning to school next Monday. For now, I'll be working on my PW I guess. Will be meeting Mr Muzakkir in the afternoon later, when he's done with school. Thereafter I'll be heading down to town because baby wants to get himself some nice shoes. I might be going shopping too.

That's all I have for today.

...

2011-10-09T21:52:00.003+08:00

Parents said I'm a useless daughter.

I'm not a good friend, love to ditch people.

I'm not a good girlfriend either, not to mention words that describe me.

Now, how am I a good person again?

You know what I think, dear reader?

I think those nice things people tell me are all bullshit.

Because they ain't true.

Unless someone can convince me wrong.

Someone like... okay can't think of anyone.

Basking in the ambience.

P.s/ Messed up, will always be. No matter how I try to be happy. People will always be unhappy with me.

Memento.

2011-10-09T15:55:00.001+08:00

Musical Night, an annual occasion back in secondary school days.

Those days when it used to be so fun being around close friends that they seem like family to me..

And next year I'll be graduating, again. With my hair, grown longer, again.

I'm still waiting for the end of the year. Tomorrow is my last promo paper and thereafter I'll be busy with PW until November. I haven't start with OP preparations and it's going to be hellova rush for all of us. Even though there's so many things to do within a short period of time, it's essential for us to live in the moment. As for me, I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Sit through exam and I'll be on my way out, waiting for baby to end school. Spend some time together and yeah! That's about it. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, weekends.. If only I realise how precious time is, I'd focus more on what makes me happy rather than what makes me successful, yes? What hinders me from realising that is, well, I'm so into studying and graduating from college with good grades blabla that I often forget it does not guarantee me lifelong happiness. Happiness as in qualitatively. As a whole..

Enough said.

I've revision to do and sickening I&R document.

Lotsa love.

Bulletproof

2011-10-08T16:18:00.000+08:00

Spent some time skyping with baby yesterday night. I don't know why baby seems to be so tired these days. Hmm.. Well, not that I don't have anything better to do but I really find the need to do something else other than studying. To be honest, I'm not prepared for the soon-to-be PW chiong-ing sessions and whatever bullsh that's coming right up. I just want to spend some time away from everything, you know? Plus, things are not doing so good at home. I hate being around my family and I just want to be alone. Doing my own things. Well, before I indulge in some PW work and revision for Malay paper, I'm heading down to town for some shopping. If that's gonna make me feel better.

Great weekend everyone.

Don't look no farther, baby I'm back here.

2011-10-07T12:19:00.000+08:00

Somehow, it's a good thing that CCA stepped down way long time ago. Honestly, if I still have to attend those practices, I wonder how to study effectively. Speaking of which, guess whaaat people?

PROMOS ARE FREAKING OVER!

Okay maybe not officially because I still have Malay paper 1 this coming Monday but heck, I'm talking about those subjects that made me stay up all night studying for. It was madness and now things are dying down a lil bit. Though I musn't brag because there's still:

I&R, WR and OP for PW A Levels Assessment,

Makan@Kawan project,

Pertabalan,

H1 Malay A Level Exam.

It's annoying how I've to take both H1 Malay and H2 Malay Language and Literature. And this MLEP scholarship thing that I received recently, just adds on to the guiltyness that I'm feeling. I mean I love the language and culture and I'm so gadis Melayu but still I think I'm not doing much to emphasise on this whole Malay thing. Although, I must say, I've done more than I usually do this year. ^^ Okay.. Moving on. Yesterday was the last heavy content-based paper so I was heading out of school alone and it was raining and suddenly I saw this short guy wearing a black top and bermudas standing outside the school gate and smiling. I was like HOLEEEH MADER and squealed before I greeted him. He cheated on my feelings, made me think that he'll meet me at Hougang. Hahaha. Nevertheless, that's just so sweet of him. Furthermore, he actually sent me to the school gate yesterday morning.. I could not thank you any less.

There's a lot of bittersweet things that occurred lately and I feel like sucha hypocrite for blogging things that's just so contradicting. Well, people should know that I tend to blog on impulse. So I'll blog what I think and how I feel at THAT particular instance. Having said that, pardon me for being fickle minded. /:

I needa rush off now. Will be heading over to Tampines to meet baby after he's done with his Friday prayers. We'll be watching Real Steel at Ehub I guess and thereafter chill somewhere and plan for upcoming exciting occasions.

I'm so thrilled to update more because truthfully, I'm really excited for the 22nd! Can't wait can't wait!

xoxo

Because I'm not worthwhile.

2011-10-02T22:54:00.002+08:00

To tell or not to tell?

Life's confusing. Maybe not life. But mine is. It's worse than the telephone cord I don't know where's the end to this. If I choose to stay quiet, I'll feel guilty, I know it's not the right thing to do. On the flip-side, if I expose a lot about myself, things will turn out to be a mess. So, professional liars out there, what do you when you lied and then you feel guilty because after all, you know you're human and you've feelings too and that you actually care for your loved ones but you just can't move forward or turn back in time?

Tell me, what should i do?

Who am I suppose to turn to?

What am I suppose to say?

I've lost the controller which used to have buttons on it and direct me to do/say things as the controller pleases.

Come and destroy me.

It's already impossible to make me happy.

Unless a miracle happen.

2011-10-02T16:50:00.000+08:00

The year's coming to an end soon. Promo's results will determine whether I'm staying or I'm leaving these people behind. It's just too soon to start a new life I suppose. I can't keep on changing and adapting all the time. TPJ has not been a school of my dreams or shall I say a school that I'm going to be proud of calling my alma mater but it has taught me a few things applicable to day-to-day situations. Despite how I want to stay so much, I'm going mad with History. It's terribly overwhelming. I swear.

Tomorrow's THE day and I don't know what's going to happen thereafter. The feeling's worse than sitting for O Levels back then. It's not even A Levels and the pressure is already unbearable.

On the flip-side, I must thank baby for physically, mentally and emotionally being there for me because I really need a lot of support and he's the only one I've got and I can count on. He has been accompanying me to study... :') Thank you for everything you've done for me I really appreciate everything. And you're going to get food for me now because I'm hungry. How can I not want to make you my husband. ;) Hahaha. Our plans for our future amaze me and it feels so real I wouldn't want to let you down. Let's make October a blissful month. Looking forward for the day!

I love you, Ahmad Al' Muzakkir <3

Tell me about it.

2011-09-30T16:41:00.001+08:00

Bedridden again. My back aches. My eyes... they're like a granny's.

I've to move along like I know I should.

Worst days of 2011. Give it to me, I'm ushering in more of these days.

Nothing else to say, good day~

Degree of necessity.

2011-09-29T03:09:00.001+08:00

I wouldn't say everyone, but majority of people are probably studying their ass off right now. I don't know if I should include myself because I don't see myself as hardworking as others. This is insane. I can't wait for 6th October, honestly. Although my last paper will be on the 10th, the heavy content subjects end on the 6th. Blablabla okay I'm tired of staying up.

Baby's being there for me/with me these days. He's having his holidays so he fetched me yesterday. He's meeting me today too and probably accompany me to study on Saturday. Not that I don't like being around him, I just feel bad for having him to stare at me and watch me study. /: I love to have him around accompanying me but it might not be fair to him. Nevertheless, thank you for your time and effort in being there for me~

I love you.

I AM GETTING MARRIED AFTER A LEVELS.

WHEEEEEEE.

Haha kidding.

Barely there.

2011-09-28T03:02:00.001+08:00

Life just suck towards the end of the year, doesn't it? With all those bullshit you've to go through. Exams would make a great example to that. Furthermore, what can you do without people's support? Without people understanding what condition you're in. Vulgarities doesn't help in bringing out your sadness or frustration. Oh hell it doesn't. What else can you do right? Indulge in self pity? Perhaps.

What can a pathetic loser like me do, to pick myself up, other than to break down. I'm just a hopeless bitch whose gonna go through promos with nothing to flaunt. I'm screwed I know.

Watch me burn.

2011-09-26T02:50:00.000+08:00

The left side of my brain seem to be in huge amount of pain. It definitely sucks to try absorb as much facts as possible but keeps on failing to do so. History is driving me mental. How can I possibly remember 4 different themes by next week? I'm crossing all of my fingers and toes to not mix up the facts in my head. Ok what am I talking about, I could even barely remember anything. Not to mention Economics, Math and Malay Lit. Someone. Kill. Me. Now. Why is it tremendously hard to just step up and promote my God~ The will to go through each and every day seems to be deteriorating. I don't know if I can make it through, I swear I don't. I'm not looking forward to the end of Promos because there's still PW to worry about. Madness, just pure madness.

Two more days and I'll be on my way to face promos. On my own.

Haha good night.

Bummer.

2011-09-25T00:17:00.001+08:00

An hour more to go before I start revising on Southeast Asia History.

Friday was boring. Stayed back alone after school just to do up some notes for Econs. Went home alone. I was home alone. When I woke up to study, again I was alone. I'm tired of being alone already. Hahaha. Saturday came by. Woke up in the afternoon, cried. Caught up in some kind of a mess. Sat for 2 hours doing Math, alone. Everybody went out. Family came home in the evening with my brunch. I studied History, I fell asleep. I woke up and had a chat with sister. I doodle and now I'm here. Tomorrow will just be another day that I'll be home all alone. Monday and Tuesday will fly by and there you go, study break. Next week's my promos and I don't even know how am I doing. There's no form of support. No words of encouragement. No sense of comfort. Instead, there's huge amount of pain in my ass. People adding to my misery. Stress level getting high. I'm tired of being concerned for people who don't know how to appreciate my presence. Tired of pleasing people and putting others first instead of myself. Tired of creating the 'priority people in my life' list, realising my name isn't even in it. I'm tired of going through things alone. No matter how much people keep reminding me that I'm not alone, at the end of the day, I know I'm right. It's fine to be alone. But I really feel empty deep inside. Like there's nothing to look forward to... just endless torture. I kinda hate it when people inform me how much fun they're having, knowing that I'm here not having fun at all? I mean if I were having fun too then that'll be great because I'll prolly inform about how much fun I'm having too. How insensitive can people be?

Then again, all I could do is to wait and wait for the end of exams and 'look forward' to the upcoming plans like class chalet, another chalet at Ubin, Indon trip for 10 days, halloween...? Halloween. Right. Hmm, I just have this feeling that there's no point in keeping my hopes up high for those 'enjoyment'. Somehow I have a feeling that things are going to get screwed. Either the plans or just me. One way or another. Maybe I'm just ranting all these just because I'm having a so called bad day. But come to think of it, excitement and happiness doesn't last for me. Disappointments will definitely get in the way. Can I just quit? And walk away?

You know what's going to make me happy is to have a nice cup of Berrylite or Yoguru yogurt with Mochi. Taste damn good. I feel like walking under the rain, have you got any idea how nice it is? I need to doodle some more. Maybe I need more sleep. Maybe....

I shall not think about it.
Hey look it's 25th September.

Hugs and kisses.

2011-09-24T01:23:00.002+08:00

Uhuh you know what it is~

It's the time of the month again! Nothing to do with menses... Okay moving on. 24Th is here again! There you go - pictures of you and me throughout the time we've been together. Snapshots of the moments we have spent thus far. We don't take photos every time we meet of course. Not that obsessed with camera. :P I still remember every single thing that happened between us. We are standing strong in spite of temperamental differences. It doesn't matter because in the end, we both have to accept each other's character and lifestyle. There are indeed certain things we disagree with each other, that we won't ever like about each other. Bad habits especially. Come to think of it, there's nothing we could do about it. Acceptance.

I'm more than grateful that baby has been a sweet, honest, devoted boyfriend ever since we got together. He's one of those rare guys who would realise mistakes done, who would look into your eyes and hold your hands - cuddle you, after a fight. His jealousy is admirably... funny. Definitely not ashamed to show that he's jealous of even the littlest thing ever. I will forever remember your "I just don't want to lose you". I swear baby's funny.

The year is coming to an end. But our love isn't.

I pray for the both of us to have sufficient strength, happiness, perseverance and ability to go through tough times together as a pair. Because deep down inside, I know that all I need is your love, warmth, care and comfort. Let's not worry about the lack of time spent together, the distance between us due to different lifestyles and of course our different past experiences. The past left a scar across my heart. Yours too. The scar faded away as our love gets stronger.

Honestly speaking, we're much more than who we were in the past. I know you agree with me because you said this to me before. Haha, you're a great guy baby, hope you realise that just by being with me.

Lastly, I must have an impactful ending to this post. Hehe. The conclusion is the part where it summarizes the whole chunk I've written and of course, to add in some specific emphasis on some things I've said. HOWEVER, instead of following the GP rule which is, not to add in a new point in my conclusion, I shall break that rule for now. Well, I need to apologise for every silly mistake I've done towards you, for every pain that I've inflicted upon you, for not being able to please you, for not being the girlfriend that you wished for, for not understanding you enough, for being naggy most of the time, for not being beautiful and nice enough for you and the list goes on. I'm sorry, and when we meet I'm going to apologise again to you~ Inclusive with hugs and kisses. Hahaha.

Just take note: You're a wonderful person. I won't smile, laugh, hold you close and look at you all the time if I find you're not worth my time. My sacrifices are worth it because you worth more than time to me.

Don't ever leave because I loved you, I'm loving you and I will always do. <3

Preparation for Promos.

2011-09-23T10:46:00.001+08:00

I hate how fast Ahmad Al' Muzakkir can get my attention back after some typical cold war. I think he knows the particular tactic/way to do so and I'm sure one of it is to have a shit talk with me. Like shit shit. Faeces. HAHA. It's like an everyday conversational topic or something. We can't stop talking about shit - the way we shit, the appearance of our shit, the sounds we make during the amazing moment and how we shit when we were kids. Shitting is the coolest thing ever. It is when you can think the best or shall I say at your optimal level of thinking process, yes. In the toilet.

Now baby's gone for work. Two whole days and I'm going to be so occupied with school work. I miss you. Wait for me to finish promos ok? Promos is haunting. A week more or so? It's now or neverrrr.~

I wanna fall under the promoted category, seriously. Let's get this over and done with!